Tips For Those Who Support Others (Part Three)

I’ve been struggling this week - been in a dark place. So I read sections of my book, ‘Wearing Red’ to remind myself of my courage in surviving tragic circumstances, to come out the other side and create a new life of integrity, dignity and self-respect.

This helped lift my spirits and reminded me how far I’d come. As did writing this third part of my blog on the importance of tips for those who support others in maintaining healthy and encouraging relationships.   

On the courses I ran as a mental health awareness facilitator, I was able to speak as someone who has experience of living with extreme mood swings, depression, recovery from childhood sexual abuse and addiction.

I was often asked for suggestions that would help others - partners; support workers; psychologists; friends; therapists and other professionals - in their relationships with people like myself with mental health challenges (which is most of us!)

This is the third part that covers some of the ideas I put together that could  help others when they are supporting me. I thought they might be useful in your relationships with others.

(You can find Part One here and Part  Two here.)

9. Negotiate Trust. Trust is a big issue for me and is based on reality. My earliest experiences were of betrayal and abandonment. How am I going to trust you? Negotiate with me as to what I need and how these desires can be met.  Don’t just tell me.

10. Be honest about what Support you can Offer. Be honest and up front about what support you can realistically offer. Don’t say you’ll be there for me, if that isn’t possible. I need to know the parameters of what level of support is on offer. Otherwise you will be letting me down and that just confirms my worst fears.

11. Respectful Relationship: Form a respectful, trusting and above all collaborative relationship with me. 

12. See the person behind the label. I may have a diagnosis, but I am still a unique individual. I cannot be neatly slotted into a box.

13. I’m not a problem to be solved or fixed

14. Reconstructing Meaning. Help me to explore the meanings and connections of my thoughts and feelings.  Help me make sense of what happened by reframing self- blaming mistaken beliefs of being bad/dirty.

15. Meaning of recovery. Explore what recovery means to me. There are no set patterns. Recovery is different for everybody.

16. Act of Courage. Remind me often that seeking and accepting help is an act of courage.

17. Tell me when I’m babbling. Sometimes I’m not aware I’m high and can over-power people with my ebullience. 

18. Read my Writing - I can say things in writing that I may not be able to verbalise. With my permission, honour me by either reading my work or encouraging me to read my words out loud.

19. Hear me and believe me.  It is important that my story is heard and that I am believed. It’s hard enough speaking out about this stuff, without having to convince you that these events happened.

I hope that you’ve found something in this list that adds some insight into your relationships with others.

My list of suggestions is included in my book - ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’ . The book contains details of my experiences living with mood swings, depression, addiction recovery and as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. It’s a life affirming story of courage and hope.

It also contains tool kits, as a manual of self-care for your mental well-being.

The book is available on www.amazon.co.uk   and www.browndogbooks.uk