Strengthen Your Self-Belief

From the various conversations I’ve had with friends and people on my writing for wellbeing courses, I’m aware that we all have difficulty in believing that we are ok just as we are. Why is it that so many of us struggle with feeling confident about ourselves and believing in our unique value and worth?

Practicing ways to strengthen our affirming self-belief is such an important area for our well-being.

Recently I went to an art exhibition at the RWA where 11–12-year-olds had responded with their written feelings about the portraits exhibited. I was very moved by one which said:

“The hardest thing to do is find yourself... It’s tiring comparing yourself to others... trying to fill that growing emptiness inside...I try to search for a place that I don’t need to judge myself...day after day my chances grow thinner.” (Ottilie M)

Self-belief is a way of feeling worthy and being able to meet life’s challenges.

In her book ‘Life is a Game and these are the Rules’ Cherie Carter-Scott says that self esteem is as essential as the air we breathe, and just as intangible.

Why is it that so many of us struggle with feeling confident about who we are and believing in our unique value and worth?

Reframing negative thoughts and beliefs is a valuable tool in helping us overcome this barrier. We can make our beliefs work for us, by interrupting our limiting thought patterns and replacing them with more empowering ones.

Become aware of all the critical messages you give yourself internally – the negative beliefs you hold about yourself. Write them down. Then begin to reframe those beliefs that no longer serve you. Take each one in turn and replace it with a more positive viewpoint.

The next time you find yourself thinking in the old limiting way about yourself, interrupt this critical self-talk. Stop that voice in your head and replace it straight away with your new sentence – the new empowering self-belief.

Persevere with this – and remember that progress takes persistence, patience and determination – and of course time. Practice, practice and more practice. This is an important tool that needs repetition.

The task of building our self-belief is one of transforming our old limiting ideas, beliefs, emotions and perceptions, into more positive, uplifting and nurturing ones until they become like a second skin.

In spite of our circumstances, we can live a fulfilled life. We can feel worthy regardless of our upbringing, what we look like and how our body performs.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’

Judgmental self-talk is demoralising and debilitating. We are continuously giving ourselves immensely powerful hypnotic suggestions to feel bad. So gently begin to make reframing this self-talk a habit in your daily life. Don’t beat yourself up about it – that just adds to the stress and reinforces the critic. Each time you recognise the inner undermining going on pause, remind yourself that it’s just the old habit you got into, and that now you’re changing this habit.

What would you do and how would you feel if you had a friend who went around with you all day, every day constantly whispering into your ear, negative comments like,  ‘You’re just not good enough. You’re worthless. You don’t look right. You’re not doing this right. You’ll never match up to their expectations.

The answer’s obvious – you would feel dreadful, miserable, and upset with yourself. And of course, this leads to the question - why do we do this to ourselves constantly? Don’t we deserve an inner voice that supports us, nurtures us and tells us that we’re doing just grand as we are? One that whispers: You’re worthy. You’re good enough as you are. You look amazing. You’re doing so well.

Managing your self-talk is a way of giving yourself the unconditional love and support that you deserve as a human being.

The only control you have in life is over your own emotions, attitudes and perceptions. You cannot control other people, places or things. The only person you can change is yourself.

We can transform our old limiting ideas, beliefs and thoughts by dealing with our critical inner chatter.

We always have a choice how we perceive what happens to us in our lives - about how we react and how we are affected by events. It’s not the event itself that affects us emotionally – it’s how we respond to it.

Practice strengthening your self-belief with these tools and learn to start believing in your unique worth and value.

Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available at www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback)and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)