Letting Go of the Familiar
Because this is such a challenging area – I’m continuing the theme of accepting change. There can be no doubt that change in any form is unsettling.
All we want to do is revert to what was familiar. The experience where we knew where we were and what we could expect in our life. Yet as much as we may want to go back to this place, to retreat, we simply cannot do that. Life has changed and we have no choice but to change with it.
We can all benefit from finding a way to come to terms with the vicissitudes of life and make peace with the way things are, right here, right now.
It is often not the situation itself that causes the tension and discomfort when facing change, but how we are handling the resistance in wanting things to be different than they are.
Change is disturbing when the unfamiliar feels risky and fearful. Acceptance of what is happening requires a letting go of the familiar and allowing ourselves time to grieve the unwanted changes we are facing. This can open up the space for new things to emerge.
Change requires patience. Acceptance of changes that occur in our lives becomes easier when we are able to allow ourselves to be exactly where we are at any given moment. My experience tells me that things seem to have a way of working out despite the odds and unpredictability.
The ‘WHAT IF’ tool is useful to use when facing unwelcome change. We can terrify ourselves with our vivid imagination of the worst things that might happen, when we say what if to ourselves -
What if we don’t find a suitable house and become homeless? How will we cope?
My suggestion is to flip the coin, by creating the opposite, and putting a positive outcome into your mind: -
What if we are able to find a better house that meets all of our criteria? How brilliant is that?
This tool can be gently reassuring that your best intention is every bit as likely to occur than all your disaster thoughts that flood your mind when facing change.
So why do we waste precious energy fearing the worst possible outcome?
“What if you slept
and what if in your sleep
you dreamed
And what if
in your dream, you went to heaven
and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower
And what if
when you awoke
you had that flower in your hand
Ah, what then?”
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Another tool that I use a lot is chanting the word - POWERLESS when the fear comes up. To know that we are powerless over people, places and things can bring a welcome air of acceptance over changes happening in our lives.
We simply cannot fight change. If we can learn to adjust to the shifts in our lives that happen, despite our plans, we have an easier ride.
Even when the world is not going our way at any given moment, can we find an element of inner peace and acceptance for the way things are, as they are? Our challenges help us to grow and become more tolerant.
Can we remember that the best way to let go of the familiar and face whatever change comes our way is to stay calm in the face of the storm. And wait for the dust to settle. One step at a time. One day at a time.
After an inevitable period of adjustment, we can do our best to be open to the experience of accepting change, letting go of the familiar and handling what life throws at us. Then life becomes more comfortable.
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining, is to let it rain.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
Available at www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback)and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)