Speaking Out and Being Heard

This is Mental Health Awareness week and the campaign is about us sharing stories about our mental health experiences. One in four of us have an episode of some sort of mental health challenge at some point in our lives. It’s time to speak out and be heard in order to break down the stigma and change attitudes to mental health.

I am especially passionate about reducing the stigma and shame associated with sexual abuse and addiction.

So, this week I will walk the talk by sharing my story of how I found the courage and wisdom to forge a new life for myself after surviving childhood sexual abuse by my father, recovering from alcohol and debt addiction, and bipolar mood swings.

A longer blog this week - but worth the extra words as I have so much to tell you.

I wrote my story in my book, ‘Wearing Red - One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’ - to give a candid account of my own experiences, in order to support others, to show that it is possible to survive tragic circumstances, to come out the other side and create a successful life of integrity, dignity and self-respect.

A testimony to the power of speaking out, being heard and releasing secrets.

There is much research that highlights undeniable links between childhood trauma caused by prolonged sexual abuse and significant disturbances in adult mental health.

Recovery from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse is not a straightforward process. There is no direct route map. We each must find our own path through the dense forest and build our own stepping stones towards a different life. One in which we can hold our heads up to face the world, fulfil some of our crushed potential, and slowly discard the shame and self-disgust we imbibed growing up.

Healing from CSA takes as long as it takes. My courage to speak out only came after many dedicated years of various talking therapies.

The deep-rooted belief that I was to blame for what happened to me, and therefore bad, has been one of the hardest to shift. As I discovered in my research, this is exceedingly common.

My years of addictive behaviour, using crutches of sex, money, alcohol and work are also familiar patterns. Addictions are common responses amongst those of us who’ve experienced abusive childhoods, as a way of numbing the stress and emotional pain.

If you’re recovering from childhood sexual abuse trauma, my advice would be to read as many relevant books as you can. This is what helped me feel less odd and alone. I’ve listed the books I found useful in the Appendix of my book ‘Wearing Red.’

Talk about what happened to someone you trust, who will listen and support you without making any assumptions or judgments, or find a therapist trained in sexual abuse recovery.

The fact that I’m alive today is due to the guidance of supportive people, I call my ‘horse whisperers’ and my research around the field.

What happened to you is a big deal. Opening up to someone about childhood trauma, that most definitely was not your fault, shows that you have great courage and resilience. 

You have the right to be heard and to receive appropriate support. Find someone who will believe you, someone who is able to hear your story in a way that enables you to find your own path to recovery and healing.

Avoid people who want to minimise your experience.

Recovery from addiction is a similar journey. I grew tired of wasting my life pickled with alcohol and crippled by mounting debts. I chose to attend 12 step groups and found wise mentors to support me. I threw myself into the steps of the treatment programmes and the support available.

Now I am in the fortunate position of having been sober for 33 years and debt free for 16 years.

It hasn’t been easy (an understatement) and there have been times I’ve wanted to take a drink, or spend money I don’t have, to make myself feel better. So far, the nightmare memories of my drunken behaviour or debting history have prevented me from heading to the nearest pub or shopping mall.

I tell myself that nothing can happen in my life that a drink won’t make worse.

One huge elephant of an achievement. And for that alongside all the support I’ve received along the way, and the 12 step programmes, I am eternally grateful.

Every addict who recovers chooses life without their drug of choice and must make this choice on a daily basis.

I even changed my names by deed poll to Eva Melissa Roshan to symbolise my new life and cut ties with the past. I renamed myself in an empowering and honouring way, in order to preserve my mental health and wellbeing. To stay sane. 

Dealing with my extreme mood swings has also proved difficult. Therapies have helped me own the parts that aren’t shiny and accept all the segments of myself - the ones I like and also the ones I’m not that fond of.

I have also sought help from a psychiatrist who suggested that I have bi-polar II, which is a milder version than bi-polar I. I’m now taking a low dose mood stabiliser to help keep me balanced and afloat. Now the lows have less ability to pole-axe me.

I’m not a fan of labels, but today I can perceive a diagnosis as a way of understanding myself better, rather than as a box that defines me and excludes crucial parts of myself. I refuse to be defined by the label or my mood swings

Telling our stories, speaking our truth can be crucial in making a difference to our mental health, as well as helping to change public attitudes in society. When one person finds the strength to stand up and be counted saying ‘Enough. No more. I will be heard,’ the gate opens for others to follow.

A welcome domino effect.

If my story of courage, hope, change and transformation helps others find their voice, to recover from shame, addiction and other mental health challenges, and being locked into the secret of childhood abuse, then I have achieved a goal.

Author of memoir, ‘Wearing Red One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available from www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk