Self Respect and Optimism

Self respect involves being mentally faithful to ourselves.

When I wake feeling sad, hopeless, or insecure, I check out if these feelings are the result of a particular experience. I have a habit of going over and over the news or event that has triggered these emotions.

I can easily spiral down into the black pit with a million assumptions and predictions about what awful things might happen and begin to fear for my well-being. This is called catastrophising, and the day becomes set for gloom and darkness. 

Yet despite these thoughts, I know in my heart that this way doesn’t work for me. So when this happens, I dig deep into my inner bag of resources and do my best to choose a different path.

I can take these feelings of sadness and despair triggered by my predilection for gloom and hold them in my hand with respect. These are part of me as much as my hands, arms, heart etc.

They have been with me on my journey of recovery and at times have kept me safe – when I’ve needed to wrap myself into a blanket and withdraw from the world – accepting that at these times I can only ‘squeak like a mouse.’ And that is good enough.

I can also bring forward that element of myself I also respect – the power I have within myself to overcome difficult experiences/moods. This part of my being can find a way through and overcome the darkness that looms around me ready to descend and steal this day from my grasp.

So my choice is to treat myself with respect – not chop myself into bits – those I like versus those I would like to shove away inside a box and throw away the key. Instead I accept all the parts of myself that make up who I am as a person.

We can welcome the peaceful periods of our lives as they give us a chance to refill our energy tanks. Then when the low periods come, we have more resources to draw upon, to make the necessary changes that might shift our mood.

We can accept all our experiences as being of value. They all have some worth in respect of our human potential.

Looking at the events that trouble us with a level of optimism is another tool that can help us feel better about ourselves. This is not some kind of over zealous Pollyanna attitude. Nor does it mean that we are ignoring risks.

Kastia Delgado wrote an excellent article in the ‘I’ paper (11th March 2022) in which he cited optimism as being a way of acknowledging our strengths and reviewing past examples of success.

In this way, we can shift our tendency to focus on the awful things that might happen, by creating a more positive and confident outlook. This is another form of self respect.

In the article, Professor Hood, a psychologist, refers to a technique called ‘learned optimism,’ as a way of improving well-being. We can re-evaluate negative events by processing them in a more positive way.

We all tend to distort reality in our own minds by catastrophising about one negative thing and generalising about it.                                                    

He suggests we try reviewing the problem from a distance, becoming an observer of ourselves, to check out these pessimistic assumptions, and factually evaluate our position.

We can attempt to identify what it is about the problem that is upsetting us and the effect this is having upon us. It helps to write down counter arguments to any negative feelings. Find something to balance out the negative thought. This can help restore a sense of equilibrium.

If we identify the things we can control and the ways we can help with a situation, we can then discover where things may be going better than they appear.

When you have a tendency to say to yourself things like - ‘I knew this would go wrong. This always happens to me.’ Stop and review that thought. Reconsider the facts of the situation. How often do things actually work out for you, for example?  And replace the thought with ‘Yes this will work out for me. I am a powerful and positive individual.’

With realistic optimism, the more we train ourselves to think this way, the easier it becomes to think from a more hopeful perspective. Hope is a very powerful motivator. 

Shifting the balance towards a more positive outlook is a form of self respect which can benefit our overall well-being.

Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’

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