Finding Balance

Finding a physical form of balance can have an advantageous effect on our bodies.

This  involves learning how to find a way of  relaxing yourself, when you feel your body becoming too rigid. This is when you need to be present with yourself, and become aware of what is happening. When the tightening occurs, we can learn to unwind.

One good way of doing this is to use  a breathing mantra, saying to yourself - ‘Breathing in I invite calmness into my life. Breathing out I release stress in my life.’

Sometimes the opposite needs to occur. When you feel yourself becoming too loose,  or casual, again be aware of what is happening within your body and make the decision to wake yourself up and become more precise.

This allows you to find  the rhythm that is appropriate for the situation you find yourself in during each day, so your body doesn’t feel out of balance.

This is of course an individual journey, one of learning to be less tight or more loose.

Becoming more aware of my physical balance is a difficult process for me to learn. As a child I developed the art of freezing my body. In my mind I was able to detach myself from what was happening to me, as a method of survival.

This is a common experience for those of us who have experienced sexual abuse as a child.

So making friends with my body, in joining up all of the parts of me, is an important tool in becoming whole again.

Most of us lead such busy lives that we often remain oblivious to our physical  reactions. Becoming aware of what is happening within our bodies, and how we are feeling  emotionally is a crucial tool to practice for our physical and mental well-being.

Once we have developed this awareness, we can then learn how to adjust our physical well being in order to become more comfortable and in tune with what is happening around us in the world. As I become aware of being too tight or too loose I can gently talk to myself – now it’s time to relax Eva – breathe out , breathe in, you are safe now. Or now is the time to focus, to wake up and become alert and aware,  to function well in my daily life. This is how I can find the middle way.

The process of balance, of finding a middle way  is also important on a mental level, so that  we don’t veer off into extremes.

Have you ever started a new project, full of eagerness and excited anticipation,  imagining  that this is the answer to your well being? You will do this perfectly and then all will be well. It could be a commitment to exercise, different way of moving, writing a book, or attending a dance class, for example.

What often happens is that after a few days, or weeks, the fervour diminishes and you begin to question whether this is actually right for you, perhaps you’re not feeling the desired effect or its all taking longer than you imagined, or you just begin to lose interest.

Then you can often convince yourself that this new project was a bad idea and wasn’t right for you after all and you stop. You drop out. Or you reach the first hurdle and give up, saying that you knew this was going to be too difficult for you.

In this way, we jump from one extreme to the other. From this is perfect for me, to this is wrong for me, or too boring.

In my experience, when I’m at  the point of stopping yet another potentially good idea, I can become very harsh with myself. ‘See I knew you were a loser.’ ‘You can’t finish anything.’ and such like. My inner critic gives me another good bashing that I don’t need. 

As Pema Chodren suggests, another way of dealing with such an emotional merry-go-round and harsh self-criticism is to learn to be curious at what is happening. Become an observer of ourselves.

Say to yourself, with kindness – ‘Oh look I’m doing that now,’ Just gather the information about yourself rather than judging the behaviour.

This allows you to become more familiar with what is really going on. Perhaps what is stopping you carrying on with this project is the fear that you carry around with you, that you don’t have what it takes, or that you don’t fit in, or that you’re simply not good enough.

You can uncover what lies beneath the behaviour. And then you have some material to work with, so that you can find a different way ahead that fits with your well being, rather than condemning yourself as a no hoper.

Learning the skill of becoming an observer of ourselves instead of a critic is a healing tool.

Finding a level of physical and mental balance in our lives, using these tips can have a positive effect on our well-being.

Author of memoir, ‘Wearing Red One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’

Available at www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk