Self Acceptance (Part Two)
As I said last week (5th January 2022) in Part One, Self Acceptance and self love are big topics, which is why I’ve spread it over two weeks. This is Part Two.
The reality of life is that no one else can give us the key to self-acceptance We have to give it to ourselves. It starts by embracing our imperfections and mistakes as much as our successes and strengths.
When you are feeling second rate because of someone else’s words or actions or lack of them, this usually signals that you have an internal need that isn’t being met by yourself. The paradox is that as you give yourself the love and acceptance that you need, you unwittingly begin to attract this from others.
Kindness, self-love and true self-acceptance, can become antidotes to the learned criticism, fear and judgement of our own harsh inner critic.
As Robert Holden says: ‘In all my years, I’ve never had a client who suffered from being too kind to themselves.’
So, I suggest that we stop fighting our demons - the parts of ourselves that are not shiny.
You deserve to treat yourself with respect. Accept all the parts of yourself as you are, without trying to be different or improve.
Do your best to forgive your imperfections.
According to Wavy Gravy : “We’re all just bozos on the bus.”
We’re all doing the best we can with what we have. And that is good enough. We have value just as we are.
It’s easy to accept the positive, creative and powerful aspects of ourselves, but true self-love is embracing our difficult parts, as well. The shadow side that lives in all of us.
There will be days when you need to wrap yourself in a blanket and withdraw from the world, when you can only squeak like a mouse. And others when you feel powerful and strong, roaring like a lion. Neither is good or bad. Just the way things pan out. Chopping yourself into sections that you adore and parts you abhor does not aid your well-being, as I’ve learned the hard way.
‘Do not hide your crazy from me,
For mine seeks company and comfort’
Matthew Spenser
My sponsor in AA helped me to appreciate that we can benefit from valuing our own experiences - to perceive our own feelings, worries, fears and achievements as valid and important.
This required me experimenting with finding my own place in this world based upon living a life that befits a human being, full of dignity and self-respect. Today I do my best to treat myself with love and approval.
We create more choices for ourselves in this simple yet difficult act of self-acceptance and owning the parts that aren’t shiny. This is how we move forward into a more joyous, fulfilled life.
We can treat ourselves as we would a valued friend. The critical voices in our heads that tell us we are not good enough, do not help us flourish. We are all loveable and we can learn to love ourselves.
Self-acceptance and self-love are the foundations of transforming our potential into reality.
“ The question is not what we can scorn or disparage, or find fault with, but what we can love, value and appreciate”
John Ruskin