Check Out Assumptions
When you find yourself making quick assumptions about others or events, remember to check out whether this assumption is based on fact or fiction.
You can create inaccurate hypothesis in your mind. Sometimes your sixth sense might be correct but not always. You rarely have the full picture so checking what is factual helps you to slow down your reactions.
My mentor told me this ‘lawnmower story’ which illustrates the point:
Jack doesn’t have a lawnmower that works. His neighbour had said to him that Jack was welcome to borrow theirs at any time. There was no point in him buying another one. They had always got on well & at the time this was interpreted by Jack as a kind gesture that he’d accept. He would borrow the lawnmower. The next time his grass needed cutting, Jack walked down his front pathway ready to knock on his neighbour’s door and ask to borrow the mower.
As he walked, doubts crept into his mind. He began to make assumptions about why his neighbour had really made this offer.
‘I wonder if this is really OK? What did he mean when he said I could borrow his mower and I didn’t need to buy one? I bet he offered because he thinks I don’t do our garden enough & its untidy – not like theirs. And I bet he also thinks that I don’t have enough money to buy my own – so if he didn’t let me use their machine, our grass would never get cut & our garden would look a mess & spoil their view.
He’s not interested in helping me out at all. He’s only thinking of himself. How selfish can you get? He probably thinks we’re too poor and he wishes he had neighbours who had more money and did more house & garden improvements, just like they do. In fact, I’m pretty sure he looks down his nose at us & doesn’t really like us at all. What a sham. All this time they’ve just pretended to be our friends, when in fact they despise us.’
Jack had worked himself up into a frenzy with these assumptions by the time he reached the neighbour’s front door. He rang the bell. Now he’d show them. When the door opened, the very surprised neighbour heard Jack say:
“I’ve come here to tell you what you can do with your precious lawnmower.
So, you thought you’d take pity on us, did you? You think we’re not good enough to live next door to the likes of you. Well stuff you sunshine.
No more sharing Saturday night drinks with the likes of you.
Who needs your bloody lawnmower anyway? I’m off to buy my own and it’ll work a darn sight better than yours does.
You think you’re so special. Actually, you’re pompous and unkind. So there.’….
And another good friendship was ruined in a matter of minutes as a result of Jack’s wild suppositions, none of which were based on fact. All totally unfounded!
It’s so easy to make assumptions about what other people think. Often there is no issue except the one we’ve imagined in our mind.
So the next time you take offence because someone has ignored you, or you think they don’t like you because of a particular look, stop before you rush into making hasty assumptions and acting upon them. Like Jack in the story, friendships can be easily ruined by conjecture.
Always best to say to yourself - Is this thought fact or an opinion of mine that could be wrong? What evidence do I have for making this inference?
What I like to do when I’m in danger of making wrong assumptions is to check it out with the individual concerned. This takes courage but often saves friendships.
The lawnmower story is an extract from my Book ‘Wearing Red -One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’
Available from links below.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Wearing-Red-Eva-Melissa-Roshan/dp/1839520426
https://www.browndogbooks.uk/products/wearing-red-one-womans-journey-to-sanity-eva-melissa-roshan