Quietening Our Inner Critic
A harsh inner critic, which some call the ‘Dictator’, tends to just harp on. Rant after rant of distorted obsessive thinking that serves no useful purpose. These thoughts become like toxic chemicals dripping into our bodies, undermining our confidence. If you’re anything like me, at times your head literally hurts from the onslaught.
If you had a friend who talked to you the way your negative inner voice does, constantly bringing you down, you would soon tell them to ‘Be Quiet’ and even end the relationship. Yet we do this to ourselves day after day.
Research has proven that our thoughts over time do have an impact on our brain chemistry (levels of endorphins, serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin etc.) which in turn can affect our moods, social interaction and levels of wellbeing.
This destructive onslaught in our heads is unhelpful, and we need to find a way to quieten our inner tormentor.
One useful technique is to say ‘STOP’ silently or aloud, as a mantra-like reminder that you need to change this internal unsupportive message.
To enforce the message, you could put your hand up palm outspread as a stop signal. An external reminder to yourself.
The following Cognitive Behavioural Technique (CBT) expands the STOP message and is helpful not just in quietening the inner voice, but also when we’re experiencing distress over a particular incident:
1. Stop - step back and pause for a moment.
2. Take a breath - focus on your breathing, by taking three deep breaths in and out slowly
3. Observe - what is happening. What are you thinking, feeling? What are you reacting to? Become aware of the physical sensations in your body, such as tense shoulders; tight stomach; hands clenched.
4. Perspective - gain some perspective by pulling back from the situation, asking yourself:
How would a friend talk to you right now, to support you?
Is what has happened fact or opinion?
How important is this really?
Will this matter in 6 months’ time?
What advice would you give a friend experiencing this?
What’s the best/most appropriate thing you could do now to move forward?
If you’re feeling distress about an incident that has happened, and your inner voice is giving you a hard time over it, can you develop a level of acceptance over what has happened, reminding yourself that we are powerless over people, places and things?
Another useful technique to silence the critic voice is to conduct a ‘Writing Dialogue.’
Writing from the perspective of your inner faultfinder, scribble down all the stuff that’s being said, to get it out of your head and onto the paper. Free flow writing, without holding back.
Then write a dialogue between your wiser self and this inner critic, with different colour pens, and see what they have to say to each other.
Read through this ‘written conversation’ aloud and write some notes to reflect on the different positions you can identify. What tips has your wise self, suggested to you that you could use next time your judging voice returns.
Focusing on the ‘wise self’ part of the dialogue, do your best to identify in your reflections what nurturing steps you might take to quieten this voice in the future.
A writing dialogue between two opposing parts of ourselves is a form of externalising to create some distance, from the drip feed of negativity that hurts our heads.
This exercise also helps create a fresh perspective on what is happening and what our inner critic constantly tells us. It can help discover insights into the fears our judging voice is revealing. This may help gain more clarity as to how we might change this moving forward.
The STOP technique and the writing dialogue are useful ways to quieten our inner critic and develop a more positive internal chatter that assists our mental health and well-being. I find them both invaluable tools that help me stay afloat.
Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
Available from www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback) and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)