Be Patient With Yourself
Crossing the threshold into a new year can bring with it a lot of expectations. This can be a stressful time – no matter how you choose to celebrate it or even if you choose not to celebrate it. Questions abound in our heads - Will there be peace in the war-torn countries? Will there be another pandemic? What will happen in our own lives?
Being gentle and patient with ourselves is a good antidote to any inner criticism or panic that can set in at this time of the year.
As Charlie Mackesy says, “Be patient with yourself. Shouting at a flower won’t make it bloom.”
Be kind rather than critical – especially if you have set yourself some unrealistic life intentions. Can we cultivate some joy in our lives rather than misery?
One way of being patient with ourselves is to accept where we are and how things are right now and accept our present circumstances- whatever they might be. Then we can turn the compass a little and shift the perspective. Look for something joyful and focus on that as well. This can strengthen our sense of self.
This is one of my favourite quotes, that I carry in my bag and read often at the beginning of a New year.
‘All shall be well
And all shall be well
And all manner of things shall be well’ Dame Julian of Norwich
We often doubt that all will be well. If you’re anything like me, the default position tends to be the worst possible outcome imaginable. I have to work hard to reframe my thoughts to include the ‘what if this all works out well.’
Yes, I agree that sometimes things happen that are not what we anticipated or would have wanted in our lives. When this happens, somehow, we endure and find a way through so we can manage what we are facing.
We can do our best to trust in our ability to handle whatever life throws at us. In other words - to trust that all shall be well. Things change and life moves on.
When you find yourself with an attitude of gloom or despair, try chanting Dame Julian’s mantra - ‘All shall be well.’ I find that when I do this, my attitude slowly shifts to one of possibilities.
We want to know and believe deep down that whatever happens, it is going to be OK. May we develop that trust and faith that we will find the strength and courage to move forward step by step into 2024.
This helps to become accepting of the way things are, rather than how we would have them be.
Accepting the dark periods has been my biggest learning curve and greatest gift in my recovery and healing. A thunderstorm does not last forever. Neither do my dark periods. Chanting ‘All shall be well’ helps me to be exactly where I am and own the parts of myself that are not shiny.
Remembering these words, can make it easier to survive the difficult periods. We need to walk the road that lies ahead with patience, whilst reminding ourselves that no problem lasts forever.
Some tips I’ve learned on my sobriety journey –
I can show my feelings.
I can take my life one day at a time.
I don’t have to be guilty about the past – I’ve learned from my mistakes.
I am not responsible for other people’s choices.
In adversity, we often develop new qualities of strength as we endure what we may have perceived as impossible. As my sponsor told me we can also develop courage, faith, and the ability to reach out for help from others, when we are struggling.
If we can trust that all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well, we can face our demons and move forward with hope one day at a time, no matter what happens.
Wishing you faith and trust in yourself in 2024, and may you be surrounded by love.
I’ll leave you with the wise words of Mary Oliver:
“Finally, I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up.
And took my old body
And went out into the morning
And sang.”
Happy singing.
Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
Available from www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback) and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)