Let It Go

No. this isn’t an advert for ‘Frozen’ and I can hear you singing that song!

This week’s wellbeing tool is about finding a way of letting go of all those unwanted thoughts that fly around in our heads. In order to do this, we need to practice becoming an observer of ourselves, which helps us stay balanced and in the moment.

When our minds become disturbed, we can feel pathetic and discombobulated. We hear that harsh internal critic voice that tells us we’re not good enough, we’re just a mess of confusion.

One way of restoring balance in our minds, under such circumstances, is to practice the art of being curious at what is happening in our internal world. We do this by becoming an inner observer of ourselves instead of a critic. In this way we’re able to let go of all those negative thoughts we don’t need.

Instead of the harsh judgmental critic, we can say to ourselves with compassionate kindness – ‘Oh look I’m doing that now. Isn’t that interesting?’ This is accepting the present moment as it is without any condemnation.

Try just gathering the information about yourself rather than judging the thoughts. The art of observing yourself is a way of stepping back from the muddle of our thoughts or emotional turmoil.

This can help us recognise when we’re repeating old patterns that actually aren’t helpful, by commenting, ‘Oh, look, you’re doing that again,’ instead of lambasting ourselves with comments like, ‘Oh you’re so stupid. Look what a mess you’re making of this situation.’

As a silent witness, when we become aware of familiar ways we respond to events, we have an opportunity to consider alternative choices. Different ways of responding that might serve us better.

This tool also helps when your mind becomes disturbed with thoughts of what might happen in the future, or what has happened in the past. You lose touch with reality - what is happening in the moment. Stepping back, as an inner spectator of yourself, you return to present moment awareness. This is like meditation practice where you always return to the breath.

When your mind is in turmoil, wanting things to be different than they are, you can learn to accept the situation, as it is, by using this tool and becoming the observer of your thoughts. Say to yourself, ‘This is how things are right now. I am distracted by my whirling thoughts. I can let these thoughts go.’ We are bringing our attention back to the here and now, to settle our minds.

Another way of letting go of all the unhelpful stuff in our heads that affects our peace of mind, is to just say ‘Thinking’ as the inner observer.  Just acknowledge that we’ve been thinking – nothing more, nothing less. This allows the inner turmoil to stop so that we can see the reality with precision and gentleness. We can then let it all go and create a fresher space in our mind.

When we can just see what is, without acknowledging it as right or wrong, we can let go of limiting thoughts and come back to the present moment, again and again until this becomes second nature.  

Seeing how we justify ourselves, or when we blame others is not another reason to criticize ourselves. It is an opportunity  for us to reflect that this is nothing but an interpretation of reality.

The art of becoming a gentle observer of what we do and think, helps us to snap out of and let go of all our inner obsessions and return to the present moment, without any judgement or harshness.

In this way we also become more compassionate with ourselves and others.

Steady in reality, we are able to take any actions necessary from a point of balance in our lives, because we have found a way to let go of all that internal, unhelpful chatter.

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available from www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback) and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)