Accepting Change

Accepting change in our lives can be difficult and there is no easy answer. Our courage and strength are often tested by life’s challenges. 

Each morning, as part of my daily practice, I remind myself to develop a level of faith that I will be able to handle whatever life throws at me in the day.

If I can just let go of my desperate need to control what happens, I will have more chance of enjoying the day ahead.

So much happens in a day that just isn’t in our game plan, and the more we can ‘fly with the wind,’ the more chance we have of maintaining some serenity. The trouble starts when we rail against the seeming unfairness of the things that happen to us and start imagining that nothing will ever work out. That is the beginning of a potential descent into a black pit.

A 12-step saying that I often find hard to remember is that ‘I will be given the strength to face whatever happens.’ So far that seems to have been the case but when the car breaks down on the way to an important meeting and the prospect of a large repair bill looms, I often forget that not only will I survive this hurdle, but as the slogan goes - ‘All shall be well and all manner of things will be well.’

Unwanted change is scary and can be uncomfortable. No matter how much we stamp our feet or complain, things are the way they are. Rejecting the reality of the present is futile.

When change happens that isn’t planned, there are occasions when we feel that we have no solid foundation on which to begin the day. As if we are losing our place, becoming off balance.

It’s at times like these that we have to try and remember that change is an inevitable part of life. Despite our best plans, life throws stuff at us that is unwelcome.

This is when we need to take extra care of ourselves, with compassion and kindness. To reassure the frightened part of ourselves that our place is shifting and do our best to accept what is happening and know that this too will change.

It’s important that you don’t blame yourself - there is nothing wrong with you. The reality is the situation has changed into something different. This requires a letting go of what you thought would happen, and then returning to the now.

Asking yourself - ‘Why is this happening to me?’ is unhelpful when we are doing our best to handle what life throws at us. Such thinking tends to exacerbate the victim mentality. The ‘Why’ question seems to infer a degree of blame. Whereas the reality is that this is just the way things are at this moment in time.

One tool I also find useful at such times, is to say to myself -

‘Can I choose this circumstance right now, right here?’  This shifts the outlook from victim mode into a position of power.

If you can begin to choose what is happening, rather than feeling that the change has been forced upon you, you regain a level of control over your feelings which can lift your energy to function in the day and make other wise choices.

The other tool to use in developing acceptance of change is one I’ve mentioned several times in my blogs - the Serenity prayer. Accept the new situation that you cannot change, as it is. Then having calmed yourself as much as possible, change what you can by taking any sensible action that you feel may improve the way things are. Have the wisdom to know the difference and let go of the rest. This helps you to trust yourself enough to deal with the reality of what is happening.

Change is the only constant in our lives, yet we find unwelcome shifts in our circumstances uncomfortable and unsettling. We want to hold onto the familiar - the way things were. But we cannot go backwards. The only choice we have is to step forward and accept that things could be rough for a while.

Handling what life throws at us requires a lot of letting go of the way we want things to be and doing our best to accept the way things are.

There is no doubt in my mind that one of the most powerful tools to aid our well-being is practising the art of total acceptance for the way things are and not how we would have them be.

Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available at www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback)and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)