Learning How To Appreciate Ourselves

In the Writing for wellbeing course that I facilitate for Brecon and District Mind, I am struck by how many of us find it so difficult to appreciate and respect ourselves.

We can criticise what we do so readily, almost without thinking. But when it comes to self-appreciation this can become a Herculean task.

How can we become our own best friend? There is no doubt that we are more condemning of our own being than we ever would be with other people. Could we learn to forgive our own mistakes rather than beat ourselves up for not being perfect?

I am advocating that we start to celebrate who we are in every way rather than follow a path of self-denigration. Respect ourselves by acknowledging our achievements no matter how small.

As Matt Haig said in ‘The Comfort Book,’ we don’t become a good person by believing that we are a bad one. We don’t have to earn our right to be worthy. Our worth is our very existence.

In a previous blog some time ago, I wrote about the value in creating our own ‘positive achievement’ list. Recognising and acknowledging small achievements in our lives can allow us to appreciate just how far we’ve come and how well we’ve done.

It’s useful to write down all the things we’ve achieved that we’re proud of having accomplished. All the events in our past that we feel good at having done. Those moments when we can say to ourselves ‘Didn’t I do well.’

Nothing is too small or too large. Don’t overthink this one. After all it’s your list and they’re your achievements. You’re doing this for yourself and no-one else has to read it. This is a gift to yourself.

I keep my copy nearby and update the record each year, or when something good happens that I want to celebrate about myself. The list is there for me to read through when I’m in need of a ‘feel good’ boost, like a ‘mind tonic’ to remind me of my strengths and capabilities.

Reading my list through, helps banish the negative gremlin voices in my head that are put downs and can eat away at my self-worth. Recognising my achievements in this way, helps me to acknowledge and be grateful for the small accomplishments of my life, boosting my self-esteem.

I find this is a much better way of nourishing myself when I’m low, than eating cake or whatever else I’ve used in the past to try and feel better, like alcohol and spending money.

Another similar tool I would recommend and one I’ve just started using so I can vouch for the benefits, is to keep a compliments journal or scrapbook. I’ve recently given some talks about my book, ‘Wearing Red – One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’ to normalise speaking out and being heard about mental health challenges to reduce the stigma that is still around, especially with regard to child sexual abuse trauma and addiction. I give these talks in the hope of creating change. I am standing up to be counted.

I have been well supported in my endeavours and as a result I’ve also received some brilliant and encouraging feedback. I became aware how good that feeling is in reading these comments and decided to put them all together in a journal.

When I am feeling low and dispirited about myself, full of self-doubt I can read these comments like ‘You are making a difference in the world.’ ‘You are inspirational.’ ‘You are a phenomenal woman.’ They help to keep me going in my speaking out campaign.

So, I strongly suggest that you compile your own compliments scrapbook. Stick in there all the good things your friends, family, colleagues have said about you over the years. Then keep it close. Use it as a mind tonic. Yes, this is you they are talking about. And why not include things you appreciate about yourself, whilst you’re at it.

Fist pump time.  Reassure yourself that you are indeed an extremely capable person, who still has these resources within you. That strength, energy, courage, spirit, passion, commitment, perseverance and persistence.

These are tools for developing self-appreciation and self-nurture. And we can never have enough of that.

A powerful boost for the spirit.

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

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