Embracing Our Mistakes

Embracing our mistakes is a form of growth.

By doing this, we have the opportunity to reflect and identify what we can learn from the things that don’t go well in our lives. And put this learning into practice, which helps us move forward and do our best to avoid repeating what happened.

None of us like to dwell on our failures. They can make us feel bad, even worthless. Our inner critic has a field day letting us know in no uncertain terms, how useless we are. Yet failure happens to us all. It can make us vulnerable yes, but not impotent. Vulnerability is a strength that becomes apparent when we share what has happened and experience the validity we receive as a result.  It makes us human.

As Elizabeth Day declares in her useful handbook, ‘Failosophy,’ the only way to tackle taboos is to bring them out into the open and talk about them Not sweep them under the carpet where they fester and create shame. We all benefit from facing the shame we feel about mistakes we have made and can find strength in speaking out, -“When you destigmatise failure, it loses its power to harm you.”

When we try our best, sometimes we still fail. That’s when we can turn this into a positive by reviewing the experience and reframing it as a development opportunity.

We ask ourselves – What can I learn from this event? In this way our mistakes do not have to define us. We do not have to be victims to our failures. We can make different choices that provide us with a new way of looking at things. A fresh pair of spectacles.

My second husband was a mistake. I called him Mr. Blip. Admittedly it took me 6 years to accept the reality of this abusive relationship. With support, I learned that I was repeating the abuse I had experienced as a child by my father – mistakenly believing that this meant love.  I was able to make healthier choices when the relationship ended. I also learned and accepted that I had to stop pickling myself in alcohol in order to get through each day.

I now have a loving, gentle, kind husband of 36 years whom I deserve in my life and celebrated 35 years of sobriety last year. Still counting.

When we make mistakes, we worry too much what other people think of us. We make the opinions of others around us the barometer for how we feel about ourselves. They disapprove so there must be something wrong with me. Rather than thinking I did my best and that was good enough. We have a right to still approve of ourselves despite any failures we experience.

Relationships are not failures just because they end. The loss can be real but there is still valuable learning to be gleaned in time.

On one occasion, I was at an interview to become a management consultant, to focus on the development of people and teams. The fact that I had been married three times was brought up, as an indication of failure on my part. I was astute enough to argue that in fact this meant that I had experienced three brilliant opportunities to learn more about people and what works and what doesn’t work, in the most intimate of situations. I was offered the job.

In my life I have made many mistakes and have done things I’m not proud of. Today I say to myself, yes, I was the sort of person who did those sorts of things. But the difference is that today I choose a different path and do not repeat these events. I have learned from my mistakes.

I now work as an activist for change, regarding the stigma still attached to mental health challenges, especially around child abuse trauma and addiction, giving talks at every opportunity. Standing tall, I speak out. Share my story with strangers. I am heard and applauded for my courage, making a difference, by the simple act of using my voice and acknowledging my mistakes.

Accepting our failures and being honest about them creates a vulnerability in us that others can relate to. As the saying goes, each hurdle we encounter gives us stronger legs.  We develop an inner strength that makes us more resilient. 

By embracing and learning from our mistakes, in an open and honest way, we become stronger and wiser individuals. In this way, we can change and grow if we so choose.

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available from and www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback) and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)