Embracing It All
I’m continuing the theme from last week about accepting what happens just as it is, because I think this is such an important area.
Accepting change in our lives is difficult, so I want to explore how we can best handle what life throws at us and embrace it all. The parts we don’t want in our lives as well as the good times.
Over the past few weeks with my daughter and grandchildren having moved away to start a new path that will be of benefit to them, I have come to realise that change is the only constant in our lives. Why is it that I find unwelcome shifts in my circumstances so unsettling?
I want to hold onto the familiar - the way things were. But the reality is that I cannot go backwards. The only choice I have is to step forward and accept what is unfamiliar. As to use the words of Pema Chodron, I can find no peace until I am able to welcome the unwelcome.
Handling what life throws at me requires a lot of letting go of the way I want things to be and doing my best to accept the way things are.
We can all benefit from finding a way to come to terms with the vicissitudes of life and make peace with the way things are, right here, right now.
It is often not the situation itself that causes the tension and discomfort when facing change, but how we are handling the resistance in wanting things to be different than they are.
Change is disturbing when the unfamiliar feels risky and fearful. Acceptance of what is happening requires a letting go of the familiar and allowing ourselves time to grieve the unwanted changes we are facing. This can open up the space for new things to emerge.
Acceptance of changes that occur in our lives becomes easier when we are able to allow ourselves to be exactly where we are at any given moment. My experience tells me that things seem to have a way of working out despite the odds and unpredictability.
As I mentioned last week the word ‘Powerless’ is so important to think about when the fear of change comes up. To know that we are powerless over people, places and things can bring a welcome air of acceptance over changes happening in our lives.
We simply cannot fight change. If we can learn to adjust to the shifts in our lives that happen, despite our plans, we have an easier ride. We can learn to embrace it all.
Another aspect that I’m working on is to realise that the universe does not revolve around me. I can think of the benefit of this move to my daughter and family. They will have a better and more spiritual life, being closer to their Buddhist roots and the teachings, at the Manjushri Centre in Ulverston. That helps me feel less lonely and pleased for them.
It’s important that I don’t blame myself - there is nothing wrong with me. The reality is my family situation has changed into something different. This requires a letting go of what I thought would happen, and a returning to the now.
One tool I’m also finding useful, is to say to myself -
‘Can I choose this circumstance right now, right here?’ This shifts the outlook from victim mode into a position of power.
If I can begin to choose what is happening, rather than feeling that the change has been forced upon me, I can regain a level of control over my feelings. This can lift my energy and ability to function in the day and make other wise choices.
After what has been a necessary period of adjustment, I am doing my best to be open to the experience of embracing it all. I am learning to handle what life throws at me. Then life becomes more comfortable.
“For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining, is to let it rain.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
Available from www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback) www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)