Just As It Is

Today I need a refresher course on acceptance of my life, just as  it is. So this is what I’m writing about as it is good for me to be reminded of  the wisdom I need in order to gain a level of equilibrium back into my life.

My daughter and the grandchildren have left Brecon, where we live, for new adventures in the Lake District, which is quite a drive away. I feel upset and lonely without them and they’ve only been gone one day – so used to knowing they are just round the corner. Now that is no longer the case.

I am pleased for them and know this is a good decision for their life plan in the future and I do wish them well. I’m just having a hard time right now accepting this version of reality.

Resisting this situation as it is, just creates tension for myself. It’s my attitude that is disturbing my peace of mind, not the event that is happening.

Only acceptance can give me the ability to be at peace with what is happening.

Yes I will miss them. No they haven’t gone to Australia. Yes I will see them again soon. This will just take a little more effort and planning. No I cannot change what has happened. I can only change my own attitude to this situation.

Yes I feel sad and that is ok. I can sit with these feelings and let them be exactly as they are, without trying to force myself to be different. Instead of reacting one way or another, I can sit with what is. This is just a temporary experience and as the saying goes –‘this too shall pass.’ Life and my own emotions, perceptions and attitudes will calm down of their own accord.

One thing that has helped me in the past is to look around and appreciate what I have in this world. Linking acceptance with appreciation means that I can notice even the most ordinary of things, without effort and this warms my heart and gives me pleasure.

The stunning riverside walk which is on my doorstep. The view of my amazing mountain that I am lucky enough to have from my home and it’s ever changing character.

I have just returned from a trip to Newport, Pembrokeshire and found there a level of peace and serenity just sitting and staring at the beauty of the peaceful estuary. My happy place. I am able to return there in my mind whenever I feel distressed.

Change in life is inevitable and only causes me distress when I resist that fact.  

I can only do my best to learn to accept life on life’s terms, rather than how I would have things be.  Life just as it is right now.

Accept my present circumstances just as they are, accept myself as I am right now – an imperfect human being who is struggling.

The mantra I’m repeating over and over right now is : Acceptance and Powerless.

This helps remind me that I have no power over people, places, or things. The only life I have power over is my own. The only changes I can make are within myself.

As the Serenity prayer tells us – I can find the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can. I have no control over others, or the events in my life. I only have power over my own attitudes, emotions and thoughts. How I respond to ‘just as it is.’

As it says in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I wobble when I find some situation, person, place or thing  unacceptable to me. I can find no serenity until I accept life completely on life’s terms.

I feel so much better having spent the past couple of hours writing all this down. I am doing what I remind others to practice in my writing for wellbeing courses that I facilitate – get it out of your mind and down on paper. And the world changes.

Accepting life just as it is - is challenging, but what I do know is that the more I practice the art of acceptance, eventually I get better at handling what is actually happening.

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available at www.browndogbooks.uk and www.amazon.co.uk