Developing Loving Kindness For Yourself (Part One)

This week I’m returning to my general well-being tool kit. My manual of self-care. The tools that help me stay well on a daily basis.

I’ve divided today’s blog on ‘Developing Loving Kindness for Yourself’ into two parts as the subject deserves longer coverage. Part Two will be in next week’s blog.

When things go wrong in our lives or something unexpected happens, we can be blown off course. We feel stuck and frustrated.  

When this happens to me and I seem to be on a different path than the one I’d planned, I can become sad or angry. Self-pity takes root. I cry and rant: This isn’t fair. This isn’t how things are supposed to be. I don’t want to be in this situation. In wiser moments, I call such outbursts my ‘childish tantrums.’

These feelings are often followed by inverted anger and I start to blame myself. I denigrate my abilities – ‘you’re useless at everything Eva’ and such like. Turning against myself in this way is self-destructive and doesn’t help or improve the situation in any way.  

Anger turned inwards just serves to drain my energy tank even further and make everything look more hopeless. The possibility of me finding a healthy way through this setback becomes unlikely.

What we need to support ourselves, in these situations is our own self-care, self-nurture and self-acceptance. This comes from developing the art of giving unconditional loving kindness to ourselves. Being kind, instead of inflicting more pain.

At times when you’re feeling that life is just moving too fast for you, try this visualisation to create a blanket of self-care to literally wrap yourself up in. So that you experience the ‘alms of your own kindness’ (to use one of Jung’s phrases).

In your morning meditation, have a go at visualising this blanket of self-care and imagine yourself being wrapped up inside it. Feel yourself totally immersed in its warmth and luxurious safety.

 Really see the blanket:

·      What colour is it?

·      What does it feel like to the touch?

·      How heavy is it?

·      How large is it?

·      Where are you going to keep it?

·      How safe do you feel wrapped up in this way?

And remember that you can use this blanket any time you begin to feel alone, abandoned, or upset. Just close your eyes, breathe slowly and imagine yourself snuggled in your blanket, so you can enjoy a few moments of being wrapped up in loving kindness.

When I do this blanket meditation, I always feel calmer and ready to face the day. My strength and courage return and I’m able to make more rational decisions.  

Giving ourselves the gift of loving kindness is definitely a practice worth developing.