Building Your Self-Belief
From the conversations I’ve had with friends and others, we all have difficulty in believing that we are ok just as we are. I’ve touched on this topic before but I’m focusing on it again because it is so important.
Recently I went to an art exhibition at the RWA where 11–12-year-olds had responded with their feelings about the portraits exhibited. I was very moved by one which said:
“The hardest thing to do is find yourself... It’s tiring comparing yourself to others... trying to fill that growing emptiness inside...I try to search for a place that I don’t need to judge myself...day after day my chances grow thinner.” (Ottilie M)
Self-belief is feeling worthy and able to meet life’s challenges. In her book ‘Life is a Game and these are the Rules’ Cherie Carter-Scott says that self esteem is as essential as the air we breathe, and just as intangible.
Why is it that so many of us struggle with feeling confident about who we are and believing in our unique value and worth?
Reframing negative thoughts and beliefs, which I wrote about in my blog on1st June is a valuable tool in helping us over this barrier. We can make our beliefs work for us, by interrupting our limiting thought patterns and replacing them with more empowering ones.
So do persevere with this – and remember that progress takes persistence, patience and determination – and of course time. Practice, practice and more practice. All of the tools that I write about and do my best to use on a daily basis need repetition. They are not quick fixes.
Think of the joy you would experience if you could find a way to be successful at being yourself.
The task of building our self-belief is one of transforming our old limiting ideas, beliefs, emotions and perceptions, into more positive, uplifting and nurturing ones until they become like a second skin. One step at a time, celebrating our commitment to the process as we move forward. It will involve some stumbling and then we learn to get up again.
Most of our emotions are affected by the bombardment of our critical inner chatter. So, the more aware you become of your limiting thoughts and the detrimental effect they have on you, and as you begin to manage them with reframing, you will in time be directly influencing your emotions.
In spite of our circumstances, we can live a fulfilled life. We can feel worthy regardless of our upbringing, what we look like and how our body performs.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’
Judgmental self-talk is demoralising and debilitating. We become so used to doing it and responding to it, that we are continuously giving ourselves immensely powerful hypnotic suggestions to feel bad. So gently begin to make reframing this self-talk a habit in your daily life. Don’t beat yourself up about it – that just adds to the stress and reinforces the critic. Each time you recognise the inner-undermining going on pause, remind yourself that it’s just the old habit you got into, and that now you’re changing this habit.
What would you do and how would you feel if you had a friend who went around with you all day, every day constantly whispering into your ear, negative comments like, ‘You’re just not good enough. You don’t make the grade. You don’t look right. You’re not doing this right. You’ll never match up to their expectations.
The answer’s obvious – you would feel dreadful, miserable, and upset with yourself. And of course, this leads to the questions - So why do we do this to ourselves constantly? Don’t we deserve an inner voice that supports us, nurtures us and tells us that we’re doing just grand as we are?
Managing your self-talk is a way of giving yourself the unconditional love and support that you deserve as a human being.
Another tool you can use to build your self-belief is to remember that whatever happens to you in life, you always have the choice as to how you perceive it. When things go wrong, you can search for what is good about the experience and give that the most attention. You look for how you can use the situation to your advantage rather than be a victim of it! Be a warrior not an injured party. Sounds simple but needs constant vigilance.
The only control you have in life is over your own emotions, attitudes and perceptions. You cannot control other people, places or things. The only person you can change is yourself.
At all stages in our lives, we have a choice about how we react – how we are affected by events. It’s not the event itself that affects us emotionally – it’s how we respond to it.
Practice the art of self-belief with these tools and learn to fall in love with yourself.
Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red- One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’
Available from www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk