Reflections On Healing
I’ve been reflecting on all the healing I’ve experienced in my life to date - all that stuff that helps me write this blog.
And I thought that I would share my reflections with you, in the hope that you too find some tips that might help with your mental well-being.
They are simple but meaningful contemplations on how I do my best to live in wellness.
1. Being more gentle with myself – to counteract the internal criticism that creates a feeling of never being good enough.
2. Relaxing my standards – to accept that I don’t have to be perfect.
3. Life doesn’t have to be so hard – how to let go of the struggle & nurture myself more.
4. Some days are better than others – It’s all ok, whether I am able to roar like a lion or squeak like a mouse.
5. Accepting my mood swings – that they happen. They are part of me. Learning not to pathologise myself when I’m low. Changing the notion that I’m only ok when I’m happy. Up or down – I’m still loveable.
6. I am not odd or crazy – I am just me.
7. Doing things for the love of doing them rather than for external approval.
8. Ok to cry when I’m hurting. I can have compassion for myself.
9. I do not have to fix people – my default position is to become the rescuer. In my childhood I learned that if I fixed everyone else and made them feel ok – then I would be ok. I have a new mantra: I can be safe without managing other people’s feelings.
10. Accepting low periods - being in my black pit. Changing my perspective from hating these dark times to viewing them as a time of withdrawal & renewal. Owning the parts that aren’t shiny.
11. Simplifying for my sanity - good enough will do. Letting go of the struggle to be perfect or accepted.
12. How much changing is enough for me? A question to keep asking myself when I feel under pressure to be the best. Accept myself as I am.
13. I’m not responsible for everything I sense around me. What I’m sensing or picking up may not be about me. Sometimes I can get the signals mixed up. If unsure I can check this out with the person involved.
14. Establishing healthy contracts in relationships. Create boundaries and choices. Negotiate what each wants / needs from the other – and be prepared to compromise.
15. Being alert to ways I sabotage myself. Ways I sometimes incapacitate myself & discount my ability to manage myself by self condemnation, pathologising myself, and feelings of helplessness. I can manage my feelings of sadness & loss today and do not have to revert back to old ways.
16. Stopping doing things for approval – just because I want to be liked. I can be safe and say no and risk not being liked. It is impossible for everyone to like me. Not being liked, or my perception of this, triggers my fear of abandonment that I learned as a child.
17. Finding my own voice. I can give myself permission to step out, to be different, or to end what isn’t working for me. I do not have to wait for someone else to say its OK.
These are some of my reflections on my healing experiences. Tips that keep me sane and ones that I am continually working with as daily maintenance.
Letter to his daughter from film ‘Curious Case of Benjamin Button’
“It’s never too late to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit.
Stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same.
No rules to this thing called life.
We can make the best of it or the worst of it.
I hope you’ll make the best of it.
I hope you’ll see things that startle you.
Hope you’ll feel things you’ve never felt before.
Hope you’ll meet people with different points of view.
I hope you’ll live a life you’re proud of,
and if you find that you’re not –
I hope you’ll have the strength
to start all over again.”
Think this sums up my philosophy so well. Hope you find some of these contemplations useful as you do your best to live in mental well-being.
Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red- One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’
Available from www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk