Appreciative Inquiry
This is going to be shorter than usual, as we have new windows being fitted throughout the house. There are lots of people buzzing around being busy. Big holes in the walls where the windows were and it is very very cold!!
I need to write this as quickly as possible before I freeze. Then I shall adjourn to the nearest café for the day.
Appreciative Inquiry is something I use when I’m struggling with low self-worth. It’s a great way of finding out what works in our lives and doing more of that. Choose what works rather than what hurts.
In a nutshell, appreciative inquiry is a way of focusing on what is working in our lives and what has worked in the past. We can then identify the conditions that enabled these successes -how they were achieved- so that we can do more of them.
When I’m feeling overwhelmed or deflated because I’m not achieving very much, or feel stagnant and stuck, I like to use this technique.
Rather than look at all the things that have gone wrong, that need fixing or even just the one experience that is hammering away in my head – as a current major disaster –(I am prone to exaggeration when my energy tank is empty !), I can shift myself to a different way of thinking.
I can choose to focus on what did actually work for me today, this week, this month. What did I achieve or improve that gives me a good feeling when I think about it.
This puts me in a much more positive frame of mind and my body feels lighter, stronger, taller. My power is restored and energy returns.
Then I can reflect on how these successes were achieved – what happened that was different. Pick out all the ingredients – like baking a cake – so that I can do more of what works rather than dragging myself down with all that has gone or is going wrong.
Here is an example that I use to help me focus on what works, using appreciative inquiry.
Jonny’s father was in a nursing home and on one occasion, I was feeling so low ( my tank was empty) that I made the decision not to go with Jonny to visit him. We lived 3 hours away so it was a long drive in one day. I felt very guilty but knew that this was the best action for me to take care of myself.
So what was different about this decision – the factors that enabled this success –
I recognised and accepted my limitations. I had no energy left.
I took action to protect and nurture myself, rather than just ploughing on because of the ‘should’ messages in my head
I rested at home and my energy tank re-filled. I took care of myself when I had nothing left to give.
I could have depressed myself further and been angry and resentful at having to do this rather than wanting to go. I averted a possible crisis and ill-feeling.
I rested and Jonny spent the day with his father. He enjoyed being with him and strengthened their relationship as a result.
I use this example when I become aware that my energy tank is empty. As a result I change a life-long pattern of ‘I have no choice – I must do this’. This usually has a negative effect on me and instead of helping the situation I make things worse by my resentment.
I become conscious of what worked well, so I can remember this and do more of taking care of myself and accepting my limitations. And less of forcing myself to act when my energy tank is depleted – when I usually harm myself even more.
These are the questions you could ask yourself:
What was the good experience?
What happened?
What made this so valuable to you?
How did you feel as a result of this?
What were the factors that enabled this success – so you can do more of this next time?
Appreciative Inquiry is a great way of discovering what works well in your life and doing more of this by challenging your assumptions.
Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
Available from www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk