The Power of Acceptance
The simple yet difficult act of acceptance is an essential requirement for change to take place. Only by accepting the reality of what is happening in our lives do we achieve some level of release from it. We then have the power to move forward.
Until we develop this acceptance, we have the tendency to stay stuck in our abyss of misery, despair or anger.
Accepting life on life’s terms, rather than how we would have things be, is one of the most difficult practices to develop. Yet this unassuming word ‘acceptance’ holds a key to emotional and mental wellbeing. This is such a critical area to grasp, and also a tough one.
The Serenity prayer is one of the simplest and well known of its kind:
‘Grant me the wisdom
to accept the things, I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference
(Version of Reinhold Niebuhr’s prayer)
The last line is the most important - the ‘wisdom to know the difference.’ Knowing when to act to change something and when to step back and accept events as they are.
This quote from Bill Wilson, one of the founders of AA, sums up the power of acceptance so well:
“Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can begin. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.”
Acceptance can be empowering because it creates a sense of choices being possible.
A useful mantra to repeat when things aren’t going to plan is the word ‘Powerless.’ This helps remind us that we have no power over people, places, or things. The only life we have any power over is our own. Trying to fix or change other people is simply not possible.
I used to think that accepting I am powerless over people, places, and things, took away my power. Instead, I’ve come to realise that with this level of acceptance, that I have no control over others, or the events in my life, I paradoxically become more powerful.
This requires accepting people as they are and not feeling angry with them or judging them because they do not behave in the way I want or expect. The recovery slogan ‘Live and Let Live’ comes to mind here. This requires living with a spirit of acceptance, tolerance and forgiveness. If we can learn to accept others with their limitations and imperfections, we can also accept ourselves in the same way.
Such levels of acceptance allow us to stop wasting energy fighting what we cannot change. My sponsor pointed out to me that the words: ‘Yes but...’ indicate that I am refusing to accept something over which I am powerless.
We can all use the Serenity prayer to help change the things that we are physically capable of changing and then let go of the outcome. Reminding ourselves constantly that we only have power over our own attitudes, emotions and thoughts.
Self- acceptance is one of the cornerstones of self-esteem. Accepting ourselves as we are, with all our strengths and foibles. This frees up our energy and opens up the possibility for change to happen.
The key here lies with the power of acceptance. Discovering and experiencing a level of acceptance for yourself exactly as you are today, here and now, paradoxically frees you and motivates you to move forward to the next step - the next leg of your journey.
When we resist any situation as it is, we just create tension for ourselves. It’s our attitude that disturbs our peace of mind, not the event that is happening. Only acceptance can give us the ability to be content.
As I said at the beginning accepting life on life’s terms is challenging, but what I do know is that the more I practice the art of acceptance, eventually I get better at handling what is actually happening.
Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’
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