Own The Parts That Aren’t Shiny: Self Acceptance

Owning the parts that aren’t shiny requires a level of self-acceptance, which is easy to say and harder to put into practice.

The abuse I’ve described in my book, ‘Wearing Red’ is my story. I did not deserve these experiences, but they happened and nothing can change that fact. The past cannot be erased. My family history is part of me, but it does not have to destroy or limit me. I have chosen not to be defined by what happened to me.

In order to do that, with the help of my therapist, I had to learn how to reconcile myself with my past, which required me to embrace the parts of me that aren’t shiny. The parts that I wanted to discard and bury. To own my history as it was not how I would have liked it to have been.

For a long time, I despised huge chunks of myself and carried a fair dollop of shame about my subsequent actions, prior to my recovery.

For my own sanity I had to make sense of what had happened, learning to integrate all the parts of myself, not just those I’ve rejected over the years, that are most definitely not shiny. To stop fighting my demons.

There’s a huge difference between an awareness that embracing our shadow side is necessary and actually finding a way to live out that philosophy. As Charlotte Bronte said: “the shadows are as important as the light.”

I had to learn a new way of living that demanded I treat myself with respect and compassion. I have done things I am not proud of but today I choose a different healthier path.

You too deserve to treat yourself with respect. Accept all the parts of yourself as you are, without trying to be different or improve. Do your best to forgive your imperfections. As Wavy Gravy says: “We’re all just bozos on the bus”.

When you need to cry, just let yourself cry. Tears are part of the healing process.

As Blake says:

                “Joy and woe are woven fine.

       Clothing for the soul divine...

                 And when this we surely know

            Safely through the world we’ll go.”

There will be days when you need to wrap yourself in a blanket and withdraw from the world, when you can only squeak like a mouse. And others when you feel powerful and strong, roaring like a lion. Neither is good or bad. Just the way things pan out. Chopping yourself into sections that you adore and parts you abhor does not serve your well-being, as I’ve learned the hard way.

You create more choices for yourself in this simple yet difficult act of self-acceptance and owning the parts that aren’t shiny.