Making Sense of Our Emotional Stress
Last week I attended a Conference organised by the campaign group ‘A Disorder For Everyone – AD4E- concerned with challenging the existing culture in the mental health arena that focuses on labelling emotional distress as some form of ‘disorder.’
The debates that took place during the day gave me much to think about.
People’s pain and distress is very real. And what matters in our society is how we understand this distress. We need an approach in mental health that frames our experiences as an understandable and meaningful reaction to adverse life events. Rather than being put into a box and labelled according to a list of dubious criteria.
Those of us who have lived through traumatic events developed our own coping strategies, survival mechanisms, that took huge courage and were essential at the time in the face of such overwhelming circumstances. With the right support, we can make our own meaning, if we learn to speak out, tell our stories and insist on being heard.
I was informed that there are over 300 different forms of ‘mental disorder’ used in the diagnosis/ labelling of adults and children. How many people have suffered and been misunderstood, because of this diagnostic dependence?
If we are deemed to have a ‘personality disorder’ – there is an assumption that the individual is flawed in some way, damaged or bad. The individual then becomes the problem, rather than the traumatic experience, the family or society.
What is needed is an approach to mental health that focuses on the trauma as opposed to a labelling ‘disorder’ approach. We can ask – ‘What has happened to you? Not what is wrong with you.’
Instead of just diagnosing people according to a language of ‘disorder,’ we need to listen to their stories, with empathy and acceptance not judgement. People need to be heard and understood.
Some decide they do not wish to define themselves and their problems according to a label that has been attached to them. I am one of these people.
In order to recover from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse and adult addiction, I made a choice to embrace my history and reconcile myself with the past. A part of this process was writing my book – ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’ to reclaim control of the telling of my story and make my own meaning of what happened. This became a significant and powerful act.
I wrote this book to show that it is possible to survive tragic circumstances, to come out the other side and create a successful life of integrity, dignity and self-respect.
I experience extreme mood swings and take a mild mood stabiliser to help successfully manage them. I’ve become more realistic about how to adapt socially to live a more fulfilling life. Falsely trying to cheer myself up rarely works. I refuse to be defined by my mood swings, or the label I’ve been given of ‘Bi-Polar II.’
Most of the time I’m now comfortable in my own skin and using the tools I write about in this blog has helped me in staying afloat.
If I had a choice, or magic wand would I rather be a person without this emotional volatility? Probably... Perhaps...I don’t know.
What I do know is that I no longer abuse myself. I am no longer a victim. I have moved beyond survival.
Telling our stories is a form of social action that can help change attitudes in our society, inch by inch, and diminish the stigma around mental health, particularly around sexual abuse and addiction. These are often considered taboo subjects to talk about and that needs to be changed.
We have an unreserved right to be listened to and be heard.
One way forward to bring about change is for us to be as courageous as we can – to tell our stories, to speak out, to keep feeling our feelings, to stand tall. The more connected we are, the more powerful we become. With the right support we can construct our own meaning, which becomes a source of resilience and self-healing.
Powerlessness can be a devastating force. We need to come together, to feel less alone, less odd, less peculiar and less mad. In this way, we can change the conversation from one of shame and discrimination to one of support and optimism.
Refuse to be defined by the boxes and labels that exclude crucial parts of ourselves. Make your own meaning of the life you have lived and the life you now choose to live.
Find your way of telling your story. Name your ghosts. No more hiding.
As Gandhi said, “In a gentle way we can shake the world.”
‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’ is available from