Live and Let Live
I was chatting this morning with my dear friend Linda and she said that she kept repeating the phrase – ‘Don’t let anyone steal your joy.’
This reminded me of the AA slogan ‘Live and Let Live’ which seems so important that I thought I’d write about this theme in my blog today. I definitely need a reminder to cease from criticising and judging others and retaliating in a destructive way when I feel hurt by someone. Tolerance and acceptance are the keys to a more peaceful way of life.
Let others live their lives and we can concentrate on living our own. We judge others according to their outsides but we remain oblivious to what is happening on the inside. We cannot see the pressure that another person is experiencing and in the same way they cannot see what is going on with us.
We need gentler, loving thoughts towards ourselves. This in turn helps us to appreciate others – puts us in a more compassionate frame of mind. My Buddhist teacher Mandy used to remind me to always look for the jewel in another being, rather than focusing on their particular traits that I find annoying or irritating.
If we are able to let the world go about its business we will have more serenity in our daily lives. How easy it is to condemn another person when we are offended or irritated by them. Instead we can accept others as they are, rather than how we would have them be.
We are powerless over people, places and things. When something happens around me that I am about to make into a mountain rather than accept the actual mole hill size of it, I do my best (when I remember!!) to chant the word – ‘Powerless’ to remind myself that I have no control of the outside world. The only control I have is over myself.
We can only be in command of our own feelings, and actions. We can only change our own attitudes and hopefully make responsible choices.
The first part of the slogan – ‘Live’ – reminds me that I need to focus on my own life and not meddle in other people’s affairs. I have spent the last 25 years as a life coach and mentor supporting others in their lives. So it’s been difficult for me to step back from making observations about what other people need to do to make their lives more acceptable. Instead, I am learning to only offer advice or suggestions if I am asked for an opinion.
If we stay out of other people’s affairs and become more aware of our own, we have a better chance of finding contentment.
‘Let live’ – the other part of this slogan helps us to respect that other people have a right to make their own choices. We let other people be themselves.
We will benefit from thinking before we speak. We can celebrate the happiness of others, and if we feel unable to do this, at least we can make the decision not to deflate their joy or squash it with some barbed comment or resentment.
We can refrain from worrying what another person is thinking about us, or whether they approve of what we’re doing. They have a right to their opinions. We give too much power to others to define our worth
My AA sponsor told me that we can learn to embrace whatever life brings, with all its joys and sorrows. He quoted Blake – ‘Joy and woe are woven fine, clothing for the soul divine...And when this we surely know, safely through the world we’ll go.’
When we learn to focus on and embrace our own lives, it becomes easier to let others live theirs.
As Jack Kornfield said the heart is like a garden. We can grow compassion or fear, resentment or love. It all depends on what we plant there and how much we are able to ‘Live and Let Live.’
Author of memoir, ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
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