Letting Go of Perfect

This is going to be a short one as we exchanged contracts re our house move yesterday and I now have a To Do list that is very long. So brilliant news and I’m still in a state of shock after so many ons and offs and twists and turns.

This week I want to talk about letting go of perfect. This is another area that I find difficult as I have a strong need for things to be perfect, as this helps me with the illusory feeling of being in control.

Perfectionists, like myself, set standards that are impossible to attain all the time. When we fail to live up to these expectations, we feel a huge drop in our self-esteem and a huge dollop of negativity arises. We can feel worthless when we don’t achieve our goals.

We try to control people and events and become frustrated when we realise that this is impossible.

These past four months with the house moving experience I have never felt so out of control. The whole process has  been a continual imperfect scenario, in relation to my high ideals.

This helter-skelter time has helped me to realise that I can survive not being in control and I have had to let go of my need for perfection.

The problem with trying to be perfect, apart from the inordinate amount of energy it consumes is that it’s another form of fear of failure. We can feel better about ourselves by trying, even though we don’t always succeed.

We can all benefit from reminding ourselves that we are powerless over people, places and things. 

To quote the AA Big Book :

“Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin.”

During the moving process I was in danger of making the one of the other parties involved as the enemy. My wise daughter advised me to resist doing this and to work on developing a peaceful mind. Easier said than done!!

Accepting the imperfections of others can help us accept our own limitations. An attitude of ‘live and let live’ can benefit us more than a critical attitude.

During this moving process I have had to accept that our worth as individuals is not measured by how perfectly we behave. We are all imperfect human beings.

I have learned from my own mistakes and the mistakes of others. This works as long as I don’t demonise myself or others for their imperfect behaviour.

I have also realised that we progress when we try to be better at this thing called life and not when we try to be perfect.

As Samuel Beckett said :

“Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”        

I have learned that how we think affects the way we feel. And how we feel affects our actions.

I can’t block painful emotions but I can do my best not to be controlled by them.

Letting go of perfect and accepting that failure is part of life gives us more opportunities to learn, to meet challenges, as we give ourselves permission to be human.

Author of memoir, ‘ Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available from www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk