Handling What Life Throws At Us (Part One)

Accepting Change

Accepting change in our lives is very difficult and there is no easy answer. As this is such an important area, I’ve dedicated two weeks of my blog to explore how we can best handle what life throws at us. This is Part One.

Each morning, as part of my daily practice, I have to remind myself to develop a level of faith that I will be able to handle whatever life throws at me in the day. My courage and strength are often tested by life’s challenges.

If I can just let go of my desperate need  to control what happens, I will have more chance of enjoying the day ahead. I love the Brian Andreas verse where his wife says that if you hold onto the handle it’s possible to maintain the illusion of control  “but it’s more fun if you just let the wind carry you.”

Brian Andreas is one of my favourite poets. His work is very quirky and heartfelt. Relevant to life’s struggles yet hints at the wonder of a different way of being

So much happens in a day that just isn’t in our game plan, and the more we can ‘fly with the wind,’ the more chance we have of maintaining some serenity. The trouble starts when we rail against the seeming unfairness of the things that happen to us  and start imagining that nothing will ever work out. That is the beginning of a potential descent into a black pit.

A 12 step saying that I often find hard to remember is that ‘I will be given the strength to face whatever happens.’ So far that seems to have been the case but when the car breaks down on the way to an important meeting and the prospect of a large repair bill looms, I often forget that not only will I survive this hurdle, but as they say in the meetings ‘All shall be well and all manner of things will be well.’ Another slogan that I’ve struggled with at times. 

Unwanted change is scary and can be uncomfortable. No matter how much we stamp our feet or complain, things are the way they are. Rejecting the reality of the present is futile.  

If you’re anything like me, when change happens that isn’t planned, there are occasions when you feel that you have no solid foundation on which to begin the day. As if you are losing your place, becoming off balance.

It’s at times like these that we have to try and remember that change is an inevitable part of life. Despite our best plans, life throws stuff at us that is unwelcome.

This is when we need to take extra care of ourselves, with compassion and kindness. To reassure the frightened part of ourselves that our place is shifting, and do our best to accept what is happening and know that this too will change.

It’s important that you don’t blame yourself - there is nothing wrong with you. The reality is the situation has changed into something different. This requires a letting go of what you thought would happen, returning to the now.

Asking yourself - ‘Why is this happening to me?’ is unhelpful when we are doing our best to handle what life throws at us. Such thinking tends to exacerbate the victim mentality. The ‘Why’ question seems to infer a degree of blame. This is just the way things are at this moment in time.

One tool I also find useful at such times, is to say to myself -

‘Can I choose this circumstance right now, right here?’  This shifts the outlook from victim mode into a position of power.

If you can begin to choose what is happening, rather than feeling that the change has been forced upon you, you regain a level of control over your feelings which can lift your energy to function in the day and make other wise choices.

The other tool to use in developing acceptance of change is one I’ve mentioned several times in my blogs - the Serenity prayer. Accept the new situation  that you cannot change, as it is. Then having calmed yourself as much as possible, change what you can by taking any sensible action that you feel may improve the way things are. Have the wisdom to know the difference, and let go of the rest. This helps you to trust yourself enough to deal with the reality. 

There is no doubt in my mind that the most powerful tool in our tool kit  is practising the art of total acceptance for the way things are and not how we would have them be.

Part Two of ‘ HANDLING WHAT LIFE THROWS AT US - Accepting Change’ - will be in next week’s blog.