Expectations Can Damage Your Health

Expectations can have a huge effect on our equilibrium and mental well-being, especially when an outcome does not match up to our expectations.

When we have expectations as to how someone else should behave, we are setting ourselves up for resentments to breed. Resentments can weigh heavy upon us. They can poison our well-being and destroy our joy.

Resentments are usually directed against others, who have not responded in the way we had expected. We can allot blame onto others, as to why things did not evolve as we’d hoped. This can have a detrimental effect on our relationships.

The same happens with events. We can look forward to something but if we hold onto a particular expectation of how it is supposed to turn out, we can often be disappointed and resentments can brew.

We forget that we are powerless over people, places and things. Instead of just letting things happen, we try and control outcomes with our expectations.

One way to avoid the tyranny of expectation, is to examine our own attitudes.

Ask yourself -

What is it I am expecting from this person, place or thing?

Are my expectations realistic or over optimistic?

Am I trying to control the outcome with my expectation?

Personally, I find that I am a lot more content, when I lower my expectations and do my best to appreciate whatever happens without such high anticipations.

I can choose how I behave in response to a situation, but I have no power or right to impose my standards on anyone else.

If I hold a resentment against another person as a result of some particular outcome, there is a 12 step tool that I use, which is not easy to put into practice but is very effective.

Every day for two weeks, think of the person and pray for their well-being, wishing them all the things you would like for yourself, such as serenity, love, joy, peace. This tool does make you feel differently about them and lightens the load of any resentment you might be holding.

We can also hold certain unrealistic expectations about how people respond to us, especially if we want most people to like us all the time. With such an anticipation, we are setting ourselves up to fail, and as a result of our needs not being met in this way, we can develop resentments against others.

It is best for our own mental well-being to let go of our expectations about how other people should feel about us. Instead of blaming and resenting others, we can practice self-care and remember that we are OK exactly as we are. We can be gentle and loving to ourselves, with compassion, when we feel disappointed with other people’s reactions to us.

If our self-expectations are unrealistically high, it can be hard to acknowledge any progress we are making. When this happens we can become very down on ourselves and remonstrate that we are simply not doing well. If we always feel that we should be making progress in a particular area much quicker than is actually happening, we are making life difficult for ourselves.

Striving for perfection can be so disappointing. What matters is that we are moving in the right direction. We would benefit in cutting ourselves some slack in this constant striving for things to be different than they are.

Learning to adjust our expectations and accept whatever happens, lessens the likelihood of breeding resentments. Both of which can damage our mental-health and well-being. The key is to shift our own attitudes and do our best to stop trying to control outcomes, be that with people, places or things.