Developing Self-Acceptance

Please note:

New regulations on sending email blogs have been introduced.

So, until these are implemented by myself and my wonderful IT wizard Mike (who has just relocated to a new life in L.A.) there will be a delay in sending future email blogs.

Meanwhile, you can still read my well-being blogs on my website www.evaroshan.com

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Whilst running my ‘Writing for Wellbeing’ courses, I’ve noticed how difficult most people find it to focus on what they are proud of in their lives. Their accomplishments and achievements. It’s as if they would in some way be ‘wrong’ if they were able to shout about what has gone well in their lives.

A lot of us seem to be unable to praise ourselves with regard to what we are good at in life. It’s as if we possess little confidence in our own abilities. Or if we have this confidence, we are unable to share it with others. Blowing our own trumpet is deemed to be unacceptable or arrogant. Whilst the art of self-deprecation is something we learn from an early age.

To me this trait highlights the need for us to develop a deeper level of self- acceptance regarding what we have accomplished and who we are. The essence of our souls.

I firmly believe that self-praise is an essential part of accepting ourselves. We all want to be acknowledged for the things we have achieved. It’s part of Maslow’s ‘Hierarchy of Needs.’ And if we can give this to ourselves then we do not become dependent on seeking this from others.

Why is it that so many of us struggle with feeling confident about who we are and believing in our distinctive value and worth?

Reframing negative thoughts and beliefs, which I have written in detail about in blog 1st June 2022 is a valuable tool in helping us over this barrier. We can make our beliefs work for us, by interrupting our limiting thought patterns and replacing them with more empowering ones.

Compiling your own ‘positive achievement’ list is another helpful way of respecting  and developing more self-acceptance. (I wrote another blog on 1st Sept 2021 about doing this.)

Recognising and acknowledging small achievements in our lives can allow us to appreciate just how far we’ve come and how well we’ve done.

It’s useful to write down all the things you’ve achieved that you’re proud of having accomplished. All the events in your past that you feel good at having done. Those moments when you can say to yourself ‘Didn’t I do well.’

Think back to the adventures you’ve had in your lifetime when you took a leap of faith. When you survived and thrived and expanded beyond your comfort zone.

Nothing is too small or too large. Don’t overthink this one. After all it’s your list and they’re your achievements. You’re doing this for yourself and no-one else has to see it.

The list is there for you to read through when you’re in need of a ‘feel good’ boost, like a ‘mind tonic’ to remind you of your strengths and capabilities.

There’s nothing distasteful about blowing your own trumpet. Despite the fact that we may have been brought up to think the opposite. So even though doing this list may go against the grain, do it anyway. This is a gift to yourself – a form of self-nurture.

A powerful tonic for the spirit.

Criticism can harm us. Praise builds us up.

Building self-acceptance and compassion does not mean we have to ignore the more problematic parts of ourselves – what I call ‘the parts that aren’t shiny.’ We can still learn, develop and grow. We just give ourselves permission, from a place of love and self value, to accept ourselves as we are, with all our foibles, strengths, idiosyncrasies and difference - our unique qualities.

Condemning parts of ourselves whilst being pleased with other parts does not serve us well.

We can learn to praise, recognise and celebrate ourselves. To appreciate the unique and valuable contribution we each make to this world we inhabit. It takes courage to participate in life and we can learn to applaud ourselves for doing just that.

We can say to ourselves- look how well we are doing.

Doing this enables us to improve our relationship with ourselves and to develop self-acceptance. To become a little more comfortable in our own skin. 

“The question is not what we can scorn or disparage, or find fault with, but what we can love, value and appreciate”          John Ruskin

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available from www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback) and www.amazon.co.uk (ebook)