Developing Optimism

Looking at the events that trouble us with a level of optimism is another tool that can help us feel better about ourselves. This is not some kind of overzealous Pollyanna attitude. Nor does it mean that we are ignoring risks.

Although I would like to say that having a balanced Pollyanna attitude is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s a tendency towards the positive. It doesn’t ignore everything negative. Instead, it acknowledges the negative and searches for the positive in it.

Pollyana received some crutches for a Xmas present by mistake. There was nothing she could do about this – she acknowledged the negative reality and her disappointment. But soon turned this around by remembering that there was someone in the village who needed a pair of crutches – she searched for a positive outcome.

I’ve just received a very disappointing email that could have knocked me off my perch into  total pessimistic gloom. I have been waiting almost a year for an article about the importance of my name change and Chippewa ancestry to appear in a national magazine – ‘Spirit and Destiny.’

This would have been excellent promotion for my book ‘Wearing Red – One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’ I have been notified that the magazine is closing down from April. My article would have appeared in June – I missed publication by one month.

Yes I felt very discouraged but instead of focusing on the unfairness of it all and slipping into – this always happen to me -so close but not close enough etc. I surprised myself by how quickly I let all this negativity pass through me and began to accept ‘what is’. There is nothing I can do about this turn of events, so instead of moping I faced the challenge now ahead of me. I found myself developing some optimism for the future.

I was able to choose not to remain distressed by these events.  I made a plan for moving forward and identifying other avenues for my much delayed book promotion. Yes, I made a list!

Kastia Delgado wrote an excellent article in the ‘I’ paper (11th March 2022) in which he cited optimism as being a way of acknowledging our strengths and reviewing past examples of success.

In the article, Professor Hood, a psychologist, refers to a technique called ‘learned optimism,’ as a way of improving well-being. We can re-evaluate negative events by processing them in a more positive way. 

We all tend to distort reality in our own minds by catastrophising about one negative thing and generalising about it.                                           

He suggests we try reviewing the problem from a distance, becoming an observer of ourselves, to check out these pessimistic assumptions, and factually evaluate our position.

We can attempt to identify what it is about the problem that is upsetting us and the effect this is having upon us. It helps to write down counter arguments to any negative feelings. Find something to balance out the negative thought. This can help restore a sense of equilibrium. Hence my list making!

A word of caution - we do need to find the balance between positivity and negativity. Focusing on having only positive thoughts can be as toxic as concentrating on the negatives in life. Pressure to stay positive can actually make us feel worse. There has to be space in our lives for both, whilst building our hope and optimism, which are powerful motivators.

Sometimes it actually helps to imagine the worst thing that could happen, because it gives us a more realistic perspective on how we would actually handle that eventuality and survive. This gives us hope for the future.

Pema Chodron says in her new book, ‘Welcoming the Unwelcome’ that it’s important to find ways of cultivating optimism. 

“In relation to the future of humanity, I will be optimistic and courageous… What we do now does matter…Even smiling at someone once can have a tremendous ripple effect that goes out and out – who knows how far.”

Shifting the balance towards a more positive and realistic outlook is a form of self respect which can benefit our overall well-being.

“ You never know what light you may spark in others, just through your kindness and example”   Jennifer Rockwood

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’

Available at www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk