Cultivating Compassion
I read recently that the Dalai Lama rises very early and meditates solidly for several hours to shape his motivation for the rest of the day. In this way he prepares his mind to generate a sense of compassion for the difficulties and pain of others.
Whilst I haven’t been prepared to go to those lengths, I do find that focusing on an intention to develop compassion, helps me become less critical of others and assists me in discovering more blue chinks of sky in the day.
I can always find some person, place or thing not quite to my liking and then all the blue chinks in the sky seem to disappear, as I magnify the molehill into a large looming mountain.
However, before I can extend compassion to others, I have to forgive myself for all my own imperfections. One of the hardest things I’ve had to work on is developing self-compassion. Reminding myself on a daily basis that I need to be gentle and understanding with myself. Then I am in a more stable position to focus on others. We all deserve to treat ourselves with dignity and respect.
John Ruskin said that the question is not what we can scorn, disparage, or find fault with, but what we can love, value and appreciate.
We often criticise those around us, when we would benefit from focusing on how we are feeling. Our own self-esteem may be at a low ebb. Sometimes we need to give ourselves compassion rather than run someone else down.
When I’m being disparaging of someone else, one of my 12 step sponsors suggested that I try the task of going 24 hours without speaking unkindly of another person. It’s a tool to become aware of how much we gossip and criticize. This is hard to put into practice. I don’t think I’ve ever managed the full 24 hours!
In AA’s Big Book, Bill Wilson said that sometimes we can miss the beauty of the forest by focusing on the ugliness of one or two trees.
When we find ourselves judging another person, it is useful to remember that no one is ever made better by being criticised. We all thrive on being encouraged and nurtured.
The art of living well is in developing compassion for ourselves and others. We have no idea what people are going through when we are being derogatory about them. My Buddhist teacher Mandy constantly reminds me to look for the good in people. To find the jewel in their heart, which may be hidden and yet is there to be found if I choose to look hard enough.
Author of ‘Wearing Red – One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
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