Choosing What Works

This week’s mental health well-being blog is focusing on the art of choosing what works in any situation rather than concentrating on what hurts.

This is my interpretation of practising what is known as ‘Appreciative Inquiry.’ If we are able to focus on our strengths and successes - what works for us in any given situation - we are then able to identify what we want to do more of. Too often we spend our energy looking at our weaknesses -what we want less of - which can have a detrimental effect on our mental health and trigger us into a downward spiral.

This means starting with what has worked well in any given experience.

When you’re feeling low and maybe struggling with your self-worth, you might be operating in a  ‘you’re not achieving anything mode’ - that you’re not moving forward. You start looking at all the things that you haven’t accomplished; all that has gone wrong recently; all the jobs that still need doing. Or maybe it’s just the one scenario hammering away in your mind that you’ve labelled the ‘current major disaster.’

It’s at times like these that you can shift your attention to identifying what has gone well for you this day, week, month. What did you achieve or improve that gives you a good feeling when you think about it? Enjoy the recap and become aware of how this makes your body feel - lighter, taller, stronger perhaps.

The next step is to look at how you achieved these things that went well for you. What happened that was different in your activity or thinking - what did you do differently on these occasions? Like baking a cake, identify all the ingredients that went into each successful outcome.

This gives you some concrete information so that you can do more of this in the future when you’re feeling low and worthless.

This is one example from my life. On one occasion I took the decision not to go to on a three-hour drive, with my husband, to visit his father who was in a nursing home, because my energy tank was empty, and I was feeling low.  On one or two previous occasions I have forced myself to go despite how I felt and needed several days afterwards to become physically and mentally better.

What was the successful outcome? Whilst I initially felt guilty for not supporting him, I rested and recovered during the day, which meant I could function better during the week and was prepared for the next visit.

So, what did I do differently on this occasion? What worked well?

I recognised and accepted my limitations - that I had no energy left. I took healthy action to protect and nurture myself, rather than just ploughing on because of ‘should’ feelings and creating a negative effect on my mental health. I took care of myself when I had nothing left to give.

I didn’t create a potential crisis or ill-feeling by forcing myself to go, and feeling resentful about the visit, which would have upset my husband. Instead, I stayed at home and recovered. He spent a pleasant afternoon with his father, which they both enjoyed, talking about art.

A win/win situation. So, I can learn from this successful outcome and next time that my energy tank is empty and I feel mentally low, I can choose what works.

I have identified the steps I took that worked well in this situation and I can learn from them in the future. I did more of what was good for me - nurturing myself and acceptance of my mental health and less of harming myself even more by forcing myself to do something on an empty tank.

When we can concentrate on what works for us and let go of what no longer supports us, we have a better chance of taking good care of our mental well-being and staying on an even keel.