Anxiety Relief

When my first book was published a couple of years ago – Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity, I experienced a devastating period of acute anxiety. A therapist advised me that my past was in my present. I had written the book dealing with my recovery path from childhood sexual abuse trauma and addiction and I was overcome by the fear of exposure and abandonment, which was always a huge childhood fear. This had been re-triggered by the release of my book.

I was afraid of going into the back garden; travelling in lifts, cars and using public toilets – fears of being locked out, trapped and unable to free myself. In a nutshell – fearing being out of control. The anxiety was real and debilitating.

I researched how to overcome my fears and with help and support and some medication, I was able to lead an ordinary life again. One book that helped was ‘How to stop Anxiety and Panic Attacks’ by Gert Verschaeve. A lot of the tools I used came from this book.

I am now facing a fear of driving and realise it’s time for me to revisit the tools I used before in relieving my anxiety. I stopped driving three years ago because of a macular hole in my eye, which after an operation left me not being able to see clearly in my right eye. My other eye had good enough sight to allow me to drive, according to opticians. Despite being given permission, not being able to reverse well or park  had developed into a massive fear of driving.

Time to take action so that I can have my independence back and drive once more. Or alternatively make the choice once and for all not to drive again.

These are the steps I took and mantras I have used for anxiety relief previously that I’m confident will now help me overcome my fear of driving. I’ve adapted them accordingly but they are generic tools that can be used for different types of anxiety.

1.    It is possible for me to overcome the fear. I have the power and am determined to stop this anxiety.

2.     Handling and overcoming fear take time.

3.    There is no real danger in me driving again. I can remind myself of my driving skills and the thousand of times that I have driven before.

4.    Acceptance is the first step – I acknowledge the fear by saying to myself –‘I hear and accept that you feel scared/anxious.’

5.    I will not judge myself harshly, as we all have irrational thoughts at times.

6.    I can move forward in small, measurable and gradual steps that build on each other.

7.    I will not allow my mind to be controlled by daunting thoughts, which inhibit me

8.    Work out what I can tolerate right now. Then do that. Extend it over a period. Make progress over time.

9.    When the ‘what if’ thoughts come – what if I can’t park, or reverse, say to myself – ‘It’s Ok I can deal with this.’

10. When I get in the car to drive, say to my fear: ‘Welcome. I know you’re there. Go and sit on that bench over there, have a cup of tea and I’ll be back to show you out later on. This is my way of accepting the fear. 

11. If I have difficulty parking, I can drive on and find a wider spot.

12. First step to expose myself to driving– sit in the car and familiarise with the new functions (new car).

13. Use the mantra with each step – I can do this. Whatever happens it is ok. Let’s stay calm and see what happens.

14. Second step – start engine and drive in a small, clearing that helps me to feel safe, with Jonny in the car to support me.

15. Third step – drive a small way on a quiet street, with Jonny in the car to support me.

16. Continue with this pattern of small incremental steps until confidence returns and I can drive with ease.

17. Change becomes easier with continued repetition.

18. I can do this. One step at a time. One day at a time. Just as I overcame alcohol and debt addiction.

19. Remember to breathe and relax my body. Stress creates tension.

Try these tools out the next time fear is preventing you from doing something that you desire to do. Remember that none of this is a quick fix. Recovery takes time, patience and resilience.

I’ll let you know how I fare in my quest to begin driving again.

Author of ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’

Available at www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk