The Art of Observing Yourself
My well-being tool for this week is the art of becoming an observer of yourself, which can help us to stay balanced and not veer off into extremes.
In order to stay balanced we need to find a middle way. When starting a new project, we often begin with exaggerated eagerness, imagining that this is the answer to our well-being. We intend to commit to this new venture, whatever it may be. In my case it’s usually a desire to exercise, lose weight, or write another book.
We’re sure we will stick to our goals this time around and then all will be well. After a few weeks, the fervour often dissipates and we begin to question whether this is actually right for us. Perhaps we’re not feeling the desired effect or it’s all taking longer than we imagined, with the result that we begin to lose interest.
At this stage, if you’re anything like me, I convince myself that this was a bad idea and wasn’t right for me after all and I stop. Or I’ve reached the first hurdle and say that I knew this was going to be too difficult for me and I quit. I jump from one extreme to the other – from this is perfect for me, to this is wrong for me.
At times like this, at the point of giving up on what is essentially a good idea, my harsh critic steps in to give me another severe bashing that I don’t need. Thoughts like – ‘See I knew you were a loser. You’re useless.’ and so on.’
My mind becomes disturbed and I feel pathetic and discombobulated.
One way of restoring balance under such circumstances, is to practice the art of being curious at what is happening in our mind. We do this by becoming an inner observer of ourselves instead of a critic.
Instead of the harsh judgmental faultfinder, I can say to myself with compassionate kindness – ‘Oh look I’m doing that now. Isn’t that interesting?’ This is accepting the present moment as it is without any condemnation.
We can try just gathering information about ourselves rather than judging the behaviour.
This art of stepping back from the muddle of our thoughts/ emotional turmoil can help us to recognise when we’re repeating old patterns that actually aren’t helpful. Instead of lambasting ourselves with comments like, ‘Oh you’re so stupid. Look what a mess you’re making of this situation,’ we become an inner observer and offer a gentle reminder to ourselves ‘Oh, look, you’re doing that again,’
As a silent witness, when we become aware of familiar ways we react to events, we have an opportunity to consider alternative choices. Different ways of responding that might serve us better.
We can so easily lose touch with reality - what is happening in the moment. Stepping back, as an inner spectator of ourselves can return us to present moment awareness. This is like meditation practice where you always return to the breath.
When our mind is in turmoil, wanting things to be different, we can learn to accept the situation as it is, by commenting on our thoughts. We can say: ‘This is how things are right now. I am distracted by my whirling thoughts.’
In this way, we are bringing our attention back to the here and now, to settle our minds and restore some balance.
The art of observing ourselves helps us to snap out of inner obsessions and return to the present moment, without any judgement or harshness. We are then in a position to take any action necessary, having created this point of balance in our lives.
Author of memoir ‘Wearing Red, One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
Available at www.browndogbooks.uk (paperback)and www.amazon.co.uk (e-book)