How Important Is This Really?

When you’re in turmoil over something that has happened in the day, or something you’ve been told, you can calm yourself down by simply asking the question -

‘How important is this really?’

This helps you to step back and check if you are turning something relatively small into a huge obstacle. If you’ve created a mountain out of a molehill, the event tends to keep repeating itself, renting space in your mind.

Asking yourself, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ is an unhelpful question. Telling yourself this wasn’t in your game plan doesn’t change anything but just adds to the force of the turbulence.

As you ask yourself the question - ‘How important is this really?’ - you are giving yourself permission to step away from the confusion - the fear, anxiety, disappointment, anger, frustration or sadness - and create some distance, just for a moment. This allows you to breathe and let some light into the darkness that is threatening to engulf you.

You can gain another perspective. It is also useful to consider whether your issue will still be this important next week, month or in a years time. Imagine looking back on this event in the future and ask yourself, ‘Will this really matter then?’  This helps you to gain a different vantage point on your mental turmoil.

As you step back from the heat of the moment, give some thought as to whether what you’re experiencing is a major crisis or a minor inconvenience.

Using these tools to diminish the magnitude of the disturbing emotions in this way can provide you with the mental and emotional space to think and act more calmly. At this point, you become more equipped to reflect on what you might be able to do to change the situation and act accordingly.

When your mind is full of doubt and confusion, concerning the way forward and what action to take, the best advice I’ve been given in these circumstances is to do nothing.

Waiting before you do anything in haste is often the most sensible action to take. Just give yourself enough time for the muddle to clear properly, so you can see the path ahead with newfound clarity. Only then will you be in a suitable place to make responsible decisions.

If you can’t do anything to remedy the circumstances, there is simply no point in becoming upset over something you are unable to change. This is when the mantra ‘Powerless over people, places and things’ is important to put into practice.

Focus on the only aspect you can control, namely how you choose to behave and perceive your experiences, and how you might respond to them.

When the event is outside your control, you can do your best to let go of what might happen and release yourself from the inner turmoil. Just consider how does your distress help this situation?

Remind yourself that the sun sets and rises every day, regardless of the troubling events you’re experiencing. Tomorrow will come and the events may look different then.

‘How important is this really?’ is a valuable addition to your mental well-being tool kit.

Using the question can help you step back from emotional turmoil and manage troublesome events in a calm and responsible manner, preventing you from taking hasty, unhelpful action, which you might later regret.