Going Beyond The ‘Shoulds’

Any mind message that contains the word ‘should’ is what I call a ‘tyrant order’ that serves only to upset our balance. ‘Should’ is a word that keeps us stuck in old patterns and usually stems from worrying about other people’s opinions. What ‘they’ think about us becomes more important than what is good for us.

For example, when we can only ‘squeak like a mouse’ and need to withdraw for a while to recharge our batteries, the healthy option is to allow ourselves the luxury (which is in fact a necessity) of a pyjama day. No obligations, no distressing phone calls, no matters of consequence to plough through. Just stay in pyjamas, curl up on the sofa with a blanket, and watch some feel good movies. Or read that book from cover to cover.

But first we often have to run the gauntlet of the’ should’ dialogue in our head, criticising our choice. Mine says:

‘This is all very well but you should be achieving something in the day rather than just wasting precious time. What gives you the right to be so lazy? Everyone else must get up, shake themselves off, and go to work, whereas you think you can just lie around all day.

Jonny will be home later, and he’ll say to you ’what have you done today’ and you know what he really means is not how have you taken care of yourself today, but ‘surely you haven’t just been sitting here all-day watching crap films on the television. How could you be so lazy?’

With such a critical onslaught going on in our heads, making our health and wellbeing a priority becomes extremely difficult. Our ‘doing’ mantra, the ‘pull yourself together’ voice is often the one that has dictated our actions for years.

Or we might be faced with a request from friends, family and others that deep down we don’t want to do, but the ‘should’ voice bellows away until we give in and let ourselves down big time.

One way of quelling this voice in such situations is to ask yourself: 

·               Who says I should...? 

·               Does this feel as if I’ve given my power away?

·               Have I lost myself in other people’s demands?

Questioning your ‘should’ voice can enable you to make different choices to take care of yourself.