Comparisons Are Unhelpful

My experience is that comparisons are generally unhelpful.

They can be supportive if they motivate you to set some goals that you feel are achievable for yourself. This would have a positive outcome.

For me, this is rarely the case. Comparing myself to another, whom I perceive to be better than me has the effect of destabilising my confidence in myself.

Assumptions are made that they are brilliant at something and I am not, which can leave me feeling I simply do not match up to their standards. I just do not make the grade or ‘cut the mustard,’ as the saying goes. Result - I feel bad and de-motivated. Inferior in some way.

Such comparisons are most definitely not helpful.

Whenever we compare ourselves or our situation to that of others, this can often  come from a place of envy, which is detrimental to our mental well-being. When this is the case, we can end up thinking that they are better than us. Which effectively translates as ‘I’m not good enough’. I don’t match up to others.

This is when a lot of ‘if only’ thoughts fill up our minds. Mine go something like this -

If only I came from a different family.

If only I’d been loved healthily and not abused.

If only I hadn’t spent so much money.

If only I’d stuck at that well-paid job

The list is endless once your mind sets off on such a negative rampage.  

What a waste of energy. Remind yourself that you’re only making comparisons with the ‘outside’ of other’s lives. That’s all you can see. You have no idea what their situation is really like. Huge assumptions are being made that would probably crumple under investigation. Their reality will be very different to the one you have imagined in your mind.

This is some free flow writing that I did recently about the musings of an oak tree. Given that most of us perceive the oak as being firm and strong, it might give you food for thought about judging people from their outsides:

‘I stand tall and strong.
My trunk is thick and rigid.
These branches stir in the wind, making patterns in the landscape.
My roots appear firm.

I am seen as a sturdy tree, that can be relied upon.
But all is not as it may appear on the surface.
My roots do not reach that far down to make me impenetrable,
against ferocious storms like Eunice,
that vents her anger against us.

I too am vulnerable, despite appearances.
I can be blown down, uprooted.
There are times I need a hand to hold,
the comfort of other shielding trees.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m proud to be an oak.
Standing tall. Dependable.
But there is more to me than appears on the outside.
We all have our insides that can make us feel small and mouse-like.

There are two sides to everything.’

None of us can know what it is like inside someone else’s head and how they perceive themselves. Likewise, they are probably totally unaware that you are comparing yourself to them and making yourself feel ‘less than’ as a result.

Whenever you find yourself assuming you are inferior to another, remind yourself that comparisons are pointless. They just make you feel miserable.

Instead you can try shifting your perspective. Try focusing on the good things you do have in your life right now. And all the achievements you have made in your life step by step. Remind yourself of the good qualities that you have that make you unique and special. Use your Positive Feedback list (Blog 16th Feb 2022)

We are all doing the best we can. Be who you are and excel in that. Your contribution to the world is valuable when you are being yourself. Every person is different even though we might share common problems.

All things are relative. Could it be possible that some people are envious of you? That they might wish they had your life and abilities.

Now there’s a thought.

Author of ‘Wearing Red - One Woman’s Journey to Sanity.’

Available from www.amazon.co.uk and www.browndogbooks.uk