An Inner Observer
My well-being tool for this week is the art of becoming an observer of yourself, which can help you to stay balanced and not veer off into extremes.
In order to stay balanced we need to find a middle way. When starting a new project, we often start with exaggerated eagerness, imagining that this is the answer to our well-being. We intend to commit to this new venture, whatever it may be. In my case it’s usually a desire to exercise, find a different way of moving, lose weight, or write my book.
We’re sure we will stick to our goals this time around and then all will be well. After a few weeks, the fervour often diminishes and we begin to question whether this is actually right for us. Perhaps we’re not feeling the desired effect or it’s all taking longer than we imagined, with the result that we begin to lose interest.
At this stage, if you’re anything like me, I convince myself that this was a bad idea and wasn’t right for me after all and I stop. Just drop out. Or I’ve reached the first hurdle and say that I knew this was going to be too difficult for me and I quit. I jump from one extreme to the other – from this is perfect for me, to this is wrong for me, or too boring.
At times like this, at the point of giving up on what is essentially a good idea, my harsh critic steps in to give me another severe bashing that I don’t need. Thoughts like - ‘See I knew you were a loser. You’re useless. You never finish anything and so on.’
My mind becomes disturbed and I feel pathetic and discombobulated.
One way of restoring balance in our minds, under such circumstances, is to practice the art of being curious at what is happening in our mind and body. We do this by becoming an inner observer of ourselves instead of a critic.
Instead of the harsh judgmental critic, I can say to myself with compassionate kindness – ‘Oh look I’m doing that now. Isn’t that interesting?’ This is accepting the present moment as it is without any condemnation.
Try just gathering the information about yourself rather than judging the behaviour. The art of observing yourself is another way of stepping back from the muddle of your thoughts or emotional turmoil.
This can help you recognise when you’re repeating old patterns that actually aren’t helpful, by commenting, ‘Oh, look, you’re doing that again,’ instead of lambasting yourself with comments like, ‘Oh you’re so stupid. Look what a mess you’re making of this situation.’
As a silent witness, when you become aware of familiar ways you respond to events, you have an opportunity to consider alternative choices. Different ways of responding that might serve you better.
This tool also helps when your mind becomes disturbed with thoughts of what might happen in the future, or what has happened in the past. You lose touch with reality - what is happening in the moment. Stepping back, as an inner spectator of yourself, you return to present moment awareness. This is like meditation practice where you always return to the breath.
When your mind is in turmoil, wanting things to be different than they are, you can learn to accept the situation, as it is, by becoming the observer of your thoughts. Say to yourself, ‘This is how things are right now. I am distracted by my whirling thoughts.’ You are bringing your attention back to the here and now, to settle your mind.
The art of becoming an observer of yourself definitely helps to snap out of inner obsessions and return to the present moment, without any judgement or harshness. Steady in reality, you are able to take any actions necessary from a point of balance in your life.
Author of ‘Wearing Red – One Woman’s Journey to Sanity’
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